Hi Andrew,
A B:
IanAnd:
As for making further progress with the Dhamma with all this, it all depends upon what your intent and focus are.
That's a good question. If you are willing to spend a few minutes please read through this
thread. The first few posts will tell you how I got here and the last few will tell you where I am trying to go. How you would phrase that in buddhist terminology is beyond my expertise.
I took some time to read through the suggested thread and learned a bit about you and your background in this. As far as it indicates from what you've written, you don't seem to be coming from any clear cut background in having studied or applied many of the mental development exercises that the Buddhadhamma recommends (other than what you have read recently with regard to Daniel's book MCTB ). From my perspective, that book (as well as others like it) is only a beginning in the effort to establish a rapport with what the Buddha taught, if you are actually and sincerely interested in exploring these teachings. Without some background in this study, though, I'm not certain how much help I might be able to provide you.
I can clearly see where you are at. It's just that we need to be speaking
on the same page before anything I might suggest to you will take (be effective). In other words, you need to be able to see what I'm talking about within the context of the teachings in order to begin making further progress. (This would be true of anyone whose advice you were seeking in making progress in these or similar studies.)
Very briefly, I started from a spiritual background in all this (became a monk and priest in a Western contemplative religious order for nearly a decade). I have practiced meditation for over 30 years, the last ten of which have been in intense study and development of the Buddhadhamma so that I might be able to teach others about this practice in the same way I came to know it. I must confess, though, that I am not, nor do I consider myself to be, a Buddhist. I don't adhere to any man-made religion (although I have
studied the major religions of man). And over the years, my perspective of involvement with these issues has changed and transformed into a more grounded effort to just explore the simple Dhamma that Gotama was endeavoring to teach to those who came to him for help.
A B:
I've gotten the fear down to it's basic component...which is the fear of death. Both physical and a more ethereal one that I'm going to lose myself i some la la land of no identity.
This statement is indicative of a
person undergoing basic existential angst. This is the same or similar angst that occurred to Gotama (if you have read about the early experiences he had that led him to take up the life of a homeless mendicant and
samana, a Pali term which literally means "one who strives"). It is what all serious and sincere people undergo who come to the Buddhadhamma looking for answers to these questions about life.
This "basic existential angst" or
dukkha (literally, unsatisfactoriness or dissatisfaction; while also translated as "suffering") is what troubled Gotama such that he decided to devote a portion of his life to discovering an end to this perception about life which he had. Unfortunately, in all his striving, he was unable to arrive at a satisfactory method for removing
dukkha from the extrinsic life that he knew, and soon came to the view that all existence was composed of three basic characteristics: that of impermanence (
anicca), unsatisfactoriness (
dukkha), and selflessness (
anatta). The realization of these three characteristics of existence was one of his major accomplishments. He then set about devising a method for removing
dukkha from the intrinsic life that he experienced.
This was the beginning of his journey into the interior of his own individual psyche and into what made up the phenomena he perceived there. This is what the study of Buddhadhamma is all about. If you read the translated Pali discourses of the Buddha, you come away with a clearer idea about the many simple things about which he spoke. Some people want to take this into an arena of what they term as spiritual development and eventual one upmanship (i.e. comparing one spiritual practice or endeavor to another). But really, what he talked about were actually very simple mundane observations that any of us, with some training, can make.
The only way successfully to realize the truth of these subjects is to study them on their own terms, meaning from within the context in which they were originally taught. If any of this rings a bell with you, then perhaps we may have some common ground on which to carry this discussion further.
A B:
The reason I posted here is an admission that I have no idea what I am doing beyond what's at the end of that thread.
This is why, if it is at all possible, it is best to have a personal guide or teacher help you. I'm talking about someone with whom you can sit down and talk with face to face; not just a few anonymous people with whom you converse on the Internet. Some may think that using the Internet is all they need, and that to go further might impose an unnecessary hardship on them, yet that would be a shortsighted view. Even Daniel sought out physical instructors with whom to train. He traveled to them and underwent the programs they suggested.
Don't misread what I'm saying here. I'm just saying that the personal touch can go a long way toward assisting one's understanding of what was taught and completing final realization. The key is: to be on the same page as whomever is instructing you, in whatever way that may come about. I'm not saying that there is nothing to be gained from Internet interaction. Just that it is
very helpful to have someone with whom you are able to sit and talk.
A B:
I have read repeatedly that everything hinges on mastering concentration states. I do, however, doubt that concentrating will be enough to resolve the Fear I am looking to confront.
It is good that you have this impression about states of concentration, because it is a true impression. This kind of practice is called
samatha which means "calmness" practice. Calmness practice brings the mind to a state of calm, to stillness, to quietness, to tranquility. Once in a state of calm and undisturbed concentration on its object, the mind is ready to practice insight or
vipassana. In order to dispel the "fear" spoken about you must look it straight in the face and see it for what it truly is: a delusion or illusion based upon the dispelling of the illusion (or delusion) of a personality. This is called penetrating your object with wisdom (
panna). Seeing the object for what it truly is and thus dispelling ignorance about it.
The Buddha taught a three tiered path to the truth based upon the development of three simple faculties or abilities: the abilities of
sila or virtue,
samadhi or concentration, and
panna or wisdom. The practice of the first of these three faculties assists in the development of the latter two faculties. A virtuous mind is a mind free of guilt. A mind free of guilt is relatively calm, unagitated, and stable. A calm and stable mind is free to develop concentration upon its object, and thus to see the truth of that object free from personal biases and prejudices which may have conditioned the mind's perception of that object. Seeing the truth of the object and recognizing it as such is the development of wisdom, the last faculty of the trio of faculties. Developing wisdom dispels ignorance.
The mind is thus set free of its delusion of personality view by penetrating the truth of its adherence to greed, hatred, and delusion and the subsequent cessation of clinging to such. This dispels ignorance about phenomena and lifts the mind, helping it to transcend phenomena through seeing and realizing what it (i.e. whatever phenomenon is being examined) truly is.
Put in the simplest of terms, this is what the practice of the Buddhadhamma is about. What I have left out of this equation are the exact steps and other teachings that the Buddha taught in order to accomplish this feat. A few of the other main teachings that one needs to become familiar with are, first, the teaching of the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path, the Five Aggregates (the
pancakkhanda [1]), the aforementioned Three Characteristics of Existence (the
tilakkhana), and Dependent Co-Arising (or
paticca samuppada). Armed with these five understandings, one is able to make one's way toward final awakening.
If this sounds like something you might like to pursue, then perhaps we can have a discussion and be on the same page.
Footnotes:
[1] Or the "five clinging aggregates" known as the
pancupadanakkhanda;
upadana being the Pali term for "clinging,"
panca being the Pali term for "five," and
kkhanda being the Pali term for "aggregates."
Panc +
upadana +
kkhanda =
pancupadanakkhanda. It helps to be familiar and to understand a few of the more significant, and therefore important, Pali terms.
In peace,
Ian
P.S.
A B:
At the time, I still didn't have a firm grasp of the concept of "no self. Out of nowhere a few days ago it just clicked. I can't really describe it, but for the first time in my life I "got" it.
The relief was instant and profound. The realization was this- All the pain and suffering in my life up to this point...was being experienced and carried by a personality which simply does not exist outside of my head.
The above mentioned realization might seem to indicate that you may have reached what is quaintly known in Buddhist circles as "stream entry." In my humble opinion, for this realization to be auspicious, it should rightly be accompanied by the dispelling of doubt about the Buddha and the Dhamma he taught. In other words, one should have the beginning of confidence in the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the sangha of practitioners who are able to help one make one's way along the Path. Traditionally, the Theravada also indicate that clinging to religious rites and ritual also come to an end. These three (the realization of selflessness, the cessation of doubt about the Dhamma, and the non-clinging to religious rites and ritual) indicate the extinction of the first three fetters of existence. In conventional Theravadin thought this would indicate the achievement of "stream entry" or entering the stream of the Dhamma.