Hi John:
I've read that between the time of a basic fight or flight trigger (i.e., a tree coming through the wall, or its precedent crrrrraaaack) that there is 1/4 second before the amygdala triggers. Second, I've read that being able to name or identify a feeling as it arises diminishes the amygdala response. (Consider cross-checking this online, b/c this is memory). [Meaning: over time, via your recognition, like experienced practitioners, the experience of jostling feelings can change/reduce and so forth. ].
So, practice can be approached via the available stages.
Meditation sounds like it would help me a lot, but whatever is wrong with me neurologically seems to make it impossible.
I do not know to what condition you allude, but you are here and are seeking. Personally, at 38, I say mental conditions can be worked with. For example, an HFA person often has attributes of high anxiety as well object concentration; anxiety can be freed and object concentration remain.
Truly. This isn't a lack of effort. I have just sat anyway, for hours on end, over and over.
Understood.
Maybe there is nothing I can do, but if anyone has actually gone through this or knows what will help, I would like to know.
Please don't bother posting that I should just stay with it. I do that. My mind wanders or sometimes I fall asleep over and over. Even when my meditation is better it isn't something relaxing and enjoyable. No bliss or special insights ... well, maybe a few, but nothing big. I'm not after bliss or special stuff, I just want the benefits of meditation, which I can't get if I can't meditate.
Can you work with that which arises mentally in you which is not equanimity?
Based on naming research (which study I would have to find...) you might sit in meditation for 5 minutes (even 1 minute - something) and when a feeling comes up with a visiting thought internally give it its name, i.e., "defensive".
When such a non-equinamous thought arises during an interaction with someone, you may be able to do the same thing.
In between those thoughts-and-namings, return to five senses - smelling field, physical feeling, visual field, hearing field [and tasting field ].
Caveat: naming can be a cacaphony of trying to catch up to thoughts and cause any new manner of naming-thinking-name-thinking, Should this occur, you can go to nameless acknowledgement, which is performed by returning to the field of the senses when you recognize thoughts-feelings occurring. [You can also journal the thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this deepens fear of a fear of thoughts-feelings permanency; sometimes it releases; sometimes it's just journaling]
I would do the above in a pleasant-neutral environment (i.e., at a window looking at trees or at a pond or river's edge, etc) to allow the brain a true chance to leave its self in between its own awareness).
What do you think?
[edits: spelling, clarity]
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6/1 edit:
John - the other thing I have done is used 20 minutes of exercise (at whatever tempo you like) as "meditation", meaning: there is a narrow field of activity for a time allotment that is outside of "my" control (other than setting the duration) - in that time, "I" could see how it comes and goes, what mental activity was occurring.
Where the physical exertion was significant, the resulting effect after exercise was a temporary "smoothing" of mental activity.
Caveat: my experience is that a mind of self can easily become louder/can easily rise above the body and to its own embellishment- meaning, some mental activity is only very briefly smoothed by exercise.
In continued efforts (and an openness to trying different methods should others - like sitting meditation - "fail"), it seems like a person is likely to approach their arrival at the consequences of their intent.
best wishes