Hello there,
I just joined TDO last night,and figured this was the best place to ask some questions about my practice that no one has yet come to explain.
First off let me explain my Practice history-
I'm 26,I started meditating in the Kadampa (NKT) Tradition 6 years ago,and have since left (as of Jan.2010)
I undertook many empowerment,short retreats,and right before I left, I moved to England and lived in their loose Monastic Community for 3 months-while I was there I underwent Vajrayana Initiation and so forth.
After the 3 month visit, I went on a Vajrayana (vajrayogini) retreat with very little "success" and much anxiety.
When I returned I stepped away from this path due in part by the politics of the tradition,but mainly because the practices in the Vajrayana were so "out there" and "complicated and colorful" I didn't feel it was relevant.
Anyhow,since then I've been practicing Shikantaza and as of recently I've been attempting "nothing" practice as I feel my real interest lies in the Theravada Tradition.
Now, for my Dream experiences-
Since I was at least 6 years old I used to have a recurring dream; I'm in an all white void-when suddenly immense sound of all kinds starting charging in from all sides in the form of black masses.This engulfs me and then I wake up in a panic.
Also, I would get the opposite with all black,white mass-diminishing sound,etc-then wake up out of breath or in a panic.
Recently (the last 2 years) I've only had this dream once,however the feelings I get from this dream happen to me occasionally during Meditation-now I am loosely thinking this may be the "Dark Night" as I've had very blissful meditations and such in the past.
In my meditation I'll be sitting there,and if I'm not too distracted that day i'll get that feeling I spoke of-then I have to open my eyes to prevent myself from either catching my breath or wanting to lay down.
I'm just curious,and if anyone has had this experience either in dreams or in meditation?
I asked my first teacher and he alluded it to my past life,or a state of concentration I had in the past that my mind is not used to anymore.
I asked a Zen teacher once,and he wanted to have Dokusan,but then canceled shortly afterward-so I never got an answer.
I appreciate all the input and comments.