Hey Eran,
Eran G:
Got a few questions for you, hope it's not too much but I think those are good things to look at and contemplate at this point.
I appreciate you taking the time. Since I cannot talk about my experiences to anyone I know, it is probably a good thing to write about it in this forum. My doubts may in fact be an effect of not having shared the experience in the same way that I share other experiences in life.
Eran G:
How is your moment to moment experience different from a few months ago?
I am not totally sure of what you mean. However, before I very often got restless and caught up in plans and ambitions. Since the SE I seem to rest much more in the moment - the time used on planning thoughts have been dramatically reduced, as well as restlessness.
Eran G:
How do you feel about practice compared to before (you mentioned a sense of completion, can you elaborate)?
Before, I would squeeze in as much practice into my day as possible - it was the overshadowing thing in my life for some time. Also I felt that I continuously broke small mental barriers, like I was gaining insights - at least much of the time. Now I do not feel a particularly great need to practice - I have lost the feeling of that I need to go somewhere. It is like I have solved some puzzle. Also, before I read a lot of Buddhist literature and spent time with a Buddhist group. Now I do not feel any urge to do this anymore. In fact, I feel that what Buddha was talking about may be much more simple and natural than I once expected. Thus, I have a much less religious perspective.
Eran G:
How is your relationship to thoughts, feelings, the body different?
Before, I often experienced some social anxiety in particular contexts. At the moment, I seems like no social situation can produce anxiety. In fact, social anxiety has not happened once since the SE. Concerning the body, I feel more impersonal about bodily sensations, but I think this has been a gradual process, since taking in the noting technique. Physical pains do not have the same effect on my psyche as before. However, in the DN, the weeks before SE, I could not deal with physical pain at all. In retrospective, I find it scary how my mind behaved in that period.
Eran G:
How is your experience of the self different?
I do not know if it is, besides what I mentioned above. However, the days after the SE I at times found it a bit odd to see my face in the mirror, a bit like a stranger. Now I have gotten use to it again. However, after a SE, I expected to feel a great reduction in the feeling of a distinction between me and others - but I do not feel different in this aspect? Is there something I could explore in this context?
Best regards
Andy