| | Hi, I recently started meditating again a few weeks ago. I was urged to do so by this nagging presence inside of me that i usually ignore. it was strange, because one day all these involuntary, obviously out of the ordinary, thoughts came up. i kept trying to apply antidotes but it did not work, so then i was just forced to look at the thoughts without being carried away by them and rejecting them. it was so bad that i could not watch this movie with subtitles so i just made myself relax and see past the thoughts and watch the movie. The movie was called 13 Assassins a good but unrealistic movie.
So, I decided that it was a good idea to start sitting again which i had not done since the start of the summer. Back then i was just focusing on either my abdominal region or the sensations of the breath on my upper lip for about half an hour. I also did a practice where i focused on the space in my mind and noted each thought going by without being carried away by it for about half an hour but i started getting silly visions which i did not like. It did help me stop condemning my thoughts throughout the day which i got into a bad habit of doing by applying antidotes in a condemning fashion.
Then I met this model in Starbucks but my mind was so blank from meditation and walking around just taking everything in that i got scared that i would have no interest in talking to such a good looking girl so i stopped meditating. She was cool to have around because i just moved back home and did not have much to do and i thought human contact would be better than meditating, She was frustrating though because she could not speak English too good and never had any money somehow, but i digress.
So, i have meditated for the past 17 days and have kept track of my meditation, i started with many short sessions of 5 and 10 minutes and finally built up to one sessions of 45 minutes, then yesterday i did two sessions of 45 minutes.
The way i set my meditation up is: first i feel the earth below me, then i am aware of the sensations of breath throughout my body, take three deep breaths and remind myself to relax completely on the out breath and increase attention on the in breath then i focus on this area two inches below my belly button to increase my stability and continue relaxing. Usually i am relaxed after a few minutes on my abdomen. If i am feeling relaxed enough, without much head pressure, i will move up to the sensations on my upper lip which dramatically increases the clarity of what i experience afterwards but makes me slightly agitated.
Yesterday i noticed that when i tried to sit, it was impossible to develop relaxation in the start of my session as i always do. This happened because my abdomen was involuntarily tensing up so much and expelling all the air in my body that it felt like i was suffocating until my body was forced to take a breath. I decided to push through the discomfort and just go strait to the sensations on my upper lip, it worked after a while and my body resumed breathing somewhat normally and my attention was very strong afterwards at the expense of a relaxing feeling. The problem was that i was forcing my attention onto this spot with nearly no relaxation. I heard that straining like this could be bad and in order to get to deeper levels of concentration i need to be relaxed.
Everything was going fine until yesterday but now my abdomen is involuntarily contracting again today whenever i place my attention on it. This has halted my practice in its tracks before because i fear i might do some damage to my body or open the door to involuntary, unending, back bending, kundalini kriya/mudra-like movements which i think sounds scary.
Has anybody experienced this involuntary tightening or know of any remedies to it? It only started after pushing too hard for the past two days, could it be the result of extremely chasing after the point on my upper lip? it seems unlikely though, because when i go to the gym and strain my muscles its not like they ever involuntarily contract when the body is voluntarily relaxing unless its a cramp but this does not feel like a cramp at all. |