Hi Joshua,
I've read through your Introduction and questions, and at first decided that there was nothing here for me to comment on. It seems obvious from what you've written here that you've been influenced by many and diverse sources, but
not by the original source. Perhaps all the other sources you've been reading and been struck by have so influenced you that you miss the simplicity of what Gotama was endeavoring to teach. So, it troubled me that I would just be wasting my time to comment. I overcame those thoughts and decided that perhaps just commenting with some of the thoughts that occurred to me as I read through your description might prove to be thought-provoking for you anyway. So, whether you take them seriously or not is up to you.
Joshua David Lerner:
...so I'll just describe my main influences: the one book I read over and over for a while was Nisargadatta Maharaj's I Am That, to which I keep returning and which really seems to nail the core of the issue for me, Ramana Maharshi (my first big influence that came from a book), zazen, some Dzogchen teachings of the Namkhai Norbu flavor (mixed in with Daoist meditation; long story), Franklin Merrel-Wolff, and a few people who are probably not known on this forum such as Richard Rose. I have also found the techniques and outlook of Douglas Harding ("the Headless Way") to be profoundly useful and interesting.
You've listed quite a few contemporary personages here but not a word about the Buddha! Have you ever tried to read and understand any of the original teachings from the translated discourses? ( I recommend the
Wisdom Publication editions over any of the online versions. Although the online versions such as those found at
accesstoinsight.org can be a helpful adjunct to the printed editions mentioned previously.) Have you ever gone to the horses' mouth and spent some time there to see what he had to say and teach rather than reading about what others have decided he was teaching?
Joshua David Lerner:
The main question that I'll start with is whether or not mastering some of the basic concentration exercises are something that would be worthwhile for me to do. As I write that down, I realize how silly that sounds (how could that not be a good idea?). But I'll explain why I ask.
It sounds as though you have much of the basics down regarding concentration. My concern for you from what you've written here is what you're doing with the concentration you've already developed and which direction it is leading. With the influences that you have mentioned, it seems you are being lead away from what Gotama taught. Or at the very least are not being lead to understand
what he taught in the
way he taught it.
Joshua David Lerner:
I guess I'll also explain what I understand to be my basic spiritual motivation, or at least what it feels like. The fact that I am aware has always been both intensely fascinating and mildly irritating to me, and I've always felt a need to explore and try to resolve the ever-present but subtle sense of tension I've felt. That's basically it.
Aware of what? Do you mean "aware" of phenomena in general? Or were you referring to "the ever-present but subtle sense of tension." If so, tension of what? It isn't clear here what you are trying to say, and I'm just seeking some clarification.
Joshua David Lerner:
I've never been inspired to practice by ideas of compassion or suffering, so some of the Buddhist ways of discussing things leave me kind of cold. I say that having been in a Buddhist studies graduate program at one point (long story). The other thing about reading Buddhist texts that made my eyes glaze over is the lists. The endless lists. I have a copy of Nyanaponika Thera's The Heart of Buddhist Meditation, which I always loved and sensed great value in, but simply could not get past the lists.
Yes, the
metta meditations and such are not for everyone (myself included). They don't, in themselves, seem to lead to the direct path of realization in the same way that
satipatthana practice does. So, I concur with you on that point.
What lists are you talking about in Nyanaponika's ground-breaking book? Or are you just mentioning the idea of lists in general without meaning to associate them with the book? At any rate, if the lists bother you (as they did me) just forget about them, and they will resolve themselves in due course if you follow the instruction given in the discourses. They're really just a teaching tool that others have found important to emphasize. But what is really important about them is being able to make them out from one's own experience of them (i.e. knowing them from direct experience rather than just rote memory and recital). Otherwise, they can seem to be a bit distant and overwhelming on the surface.
Joshua David Lerner:
Over the years, I've basically been drawn to focusing my attention on the sense "I am", as Nisargadatta's logic, as I understand it, always made sense to me - the "I am" is also just another object in awareness, but it is the most primal one, and is closest in some paradoxical sense to the center of awareness, so it can serve as the doorway through which you pass.
The problem here is that Nisargadatta is not teaching what Gotama taught. Plain and simple. I've read some of his writings, and I know it sounds good and it feels right. But it isn't what Gotama taught at all. And I'm not sure how you can disavow yourself of these ideas much beyond penetrating the truth that Gotama taught and seeing the differences for yourself.
Joshua David Lerner:
But one thing I've never really done is consistent, formal concentration practice. I have tried both Tibetan and Shingon variations of staring at the "A" syllable, but I would keep turning my attention back into itself out of habit, so I never got any of the basic experiences that mark the stages of progress with that practice.
You might benefit from attempting to learn the practice of the samatha jhanas. If you've never experienced the pleasantness of deep concentration and how that helps to recondition the mind's ability to maintain stability and mindfulness, then this might be something you may wish to look into. Just a forewarning, though. It can be a bit tricky to learn about without having someone experienced to bounce ideas off. In other words, it's best done with an experienced teacher at hand who can help you make sense of what it is that you are experiencing.
Joshua David Lerner:
As an acupuncturist and martial artist, I've done many, many styles of qigong that involved basic concentration practices, but they always left me irritable and tight. And reading through MCTB impressed upon me the presence of an entire realm of meditative experiences that seem like they should form the basic foundation of more advanced techniques, but which I've never really gone through.
The kind of concentration that martial artists and chi gong practitioners seek to develop is similar though a bit different than what one endeavors to develop practicing the meditation techniques that Gotama teaches in the discourses. And yes, you are correct in your assumption that concentration in the way that Gotama advised and taught does form "a basic foundation for more advanced" practice. That practice being the practice of
satipatthana.
Joshua David Lerner:
There are certain basic meditative states that I know I can achieve fairly easily by just thinking about them, and when I sit formally for meditation I do go through a very consistent series of stages for the first 10-30 minutes before I settle down and can choose to direct my attention in one of various ways to produce certain results such as either an awareness of all of my experience as a three dimensional mental space, an awareness of how time feels like it is flowing through what appears to be the present moment, or a very dissociating and disorienting experience of almost falling down/backwards through the sense of "I am" but popping back up out of it due to abject terror.
That first statement is a sign of developed concentration. This is good! Whenever you can get to a place (meditatively speaking, that is) just by thinking of it, that's always a good sign. This is why I stated above that you seem to have good concentration abilities already. But perhaps they need to be refined. Or at the very least perhaps some of the conclusions being drawn from such practice might need to be looked at from a different perspective. One that would not leave one feeling "abject terror."
Joshua David Lerner:
So - would it be to my advantage to lay off the more abstract stuff and spend some time (weeks? months?) developing basic concentration skills, or do I just need to do what I've been doing, just with more consistency and determination? I will say that I am leaning towards the latter, about 60/40, more since reading MCTB has given me the ability to start paying attention to the dark stuff in the same way I pay attention to objects of meditation, which has left me feeling much lighter and willing to continue with those practices that have historically left me feeling exhausted, depressed, unwilling to deal with the world, irritated or dissociated. But I am definitely willing to try to go back to square one and stare at something for a while, or do nothing more than something like a noting practice, if more experienced people think it would be helpful for me. I have in fact found myself, since reading MCTB, using noting a lot when going around in daily life, so I guess in a sense I have already started going back to basics in one sense. But I'm really asking more about formal meditation practices.
I would suggest a combination of the two approaches. The first being to gain a bit more appreciation for the simple basics of watching the breath and what happens there, while being aware of the mental phenomena that takes place simultaneously. Although moreso focused on the pleasantness of the breath and the simplicity of the instruction given in discourses such as either of the two
Satipatthana Suttas (
Majjhima Nikaya 10 and
Digha Nikaya 22) or the
Anapanasati Sutta (MN 118). This would help you to begin making some sense out of the instructions given in
satipatthana practice itself.
While Nyanaponika's book above is very good and useful for accomplishing certain things, and I certainly recommend you're reading
and contemplating it further, Ven. Analayo's book
Satipatthana, The Direct Path to Realization picks up where Nyanaponika's book leaves off, taking you the rest of the way to awakening.
If this commentary leaves you feeling somewhat confused and bemused, then ignore it. If you keep practicing you may eventually come to see some sense in it.
All the best,
Ian