| | Alright, I'm still ripe from this experience, but I seem to be able to type, so here it goes, a short background first:
I've been meditating for about 2 years in the Goenka tradition, 1 year fairly seriously, and 1 month very seriously. I have a 10-day retreat starting tomorrow so I've upped my daily practice in preparation. I've been going as gung ho as possible with my sights set on Stream Entry for this retreat... that is, unless it already just happened. Allow me to explain:
I sat down for a normal, mid-day, 50 minute sit. Started out pretty usual, struggled with concentration, found it, struggled with scanning and noting (my riff off the Goenka method), got that, and then I had a textbook A+P event with rushes of energy and even a bright light in my vision (not common for me, and actually kind of took me aback.) I noted the whole way and went through a very mild dark night to the point where I had to convince myself that a knot in my stomach was it. But then I moved clearly into equanimity. There's no mistaking being equanimous after the previous stages (or is there?) and that's what I was. I started investigating things like tranquility and peace, and said that words Anicca, or no-self in my head to see what they'd do. Then I started thinking about my center-point of awareness falling away (heard that cue somewhere) and that's when something happened. I felt a rush, or almost even a suction feeling come up my body, my heart started beating out of my chest, and my eyelids started flickering so much that they were even opening a little bit, all the while I was trying to note these feelings the best I could.
If this had occurred earlier in my meditation, I would have thought, "wow, that was a crazy A+P," but it didn't. It occurred after a previous A+P and after a perceived equanimity. I didn't feel any discontinuity, or can remember the three doors, so I'm erring on the side of not thinking it was Stream Entry.
But what if it was???
I'll report on how I feel after I've had some time to digest this. I do have to say that looking at a computer screen feels pretty weird right now.
Questions, comments, insights, Metta, Teague |