| | Hi everyone,
First a bit of background, I've been interested in buddhism since last year.My first contact with it was thanks of a relative of mine that practices soto zazen, I attended a introductory course with him a bit more than a year ago and since then I've made a few hours of zazen spread around last months (maybe 10-15). I didn't pursuit further because I feel demotivated (moved to another place and didn't have access to a sangha), and mostly I was dealing with a lot of stress during meditation, getting really nervous about breathing (Am I doing it right? proper pace?), posture, etc... I was not feeling comfortable of how to meditate properly.
This past few weeks I've been reading a few books in buddhism: Buddhism Plain and Simple, What The Buddha Taught, Zen Mind's Beginner's Mind, Mindfulness In Plain English, A Still Forest Pool, listening to some talks like Shinzen, and finally MCTB. I guess I had a bit of information overload or something, but MCTB really show me that attain high state of concentration/awareness is possible, end of suffering, enlightenment, etc.
I want with the practice to improve myself, morality, end of suffering and being an arhat, seeing things how really are (quoting Buddhism Plain and Simple).
For what I've read I want to focus in concentration practice and try to attain access concentration, then 1st jhana to then be able to practice vipassana.
Since last week I've been doing meditation twice a day, around 45 minutes, once after waking up and before going to bed. My meditation focus is the the breath, more precisely the nostril. I've been able to calm the mind relatively after 10 minutes, my breath really slow down (sometimes I fear that I don't breath enough and my brain is not getting enough air, I feel my head really heavy some times, maybe a bit stupid?), I need to really focus in my breath to feel it. After those 10-15 minutes I have thought arising from time to time, move a bit too because of the posture, etc, I guess I'm working towards improving my concentration in that regard. Some time I count if my mind if really not focus (1-1, 2-2,...) Around 30 minutes a lot of thoughts about the time arise (that maybe I should stop, I'm a bit tired,...) I keep going, but I lose a lot of concentration. I don't know if maybe I should keep it a bit shorter.
I don't have nothing to report, a lot of thoughts appear ofc, mostly questions if I'm doing concentration right, maybe doubts about the practice, random stuff, etc. I haven't experience anything weird, some time I hear a high pitch.
Sounds reasonable? Would you have any recommendation? For me I'm just gonna keep practice and see how it goes.
I've also discovered a Theravada sangha in my city, I'm gonna come by probably this week and see if I could join in their practice.
Thank you all of you, I learn a lot from Daniel's book and the wiki, and the discussion in general in this community. Hope to participate more in this forum from now on. |