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Is this A&P?
Answer
12/4/11 2:21 PM
Hello,

For the last several months I have been easing my way into meditation. This started in September after attending a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh in Mississippi. Following this very influential and awakening weekend, I have categorically removed many pursuits I once enjoyed - hallucinogenic substances, marijuana, alcohol, pornography, sweets, sleeping on a bed, movies, music, sentimental reminiscing etc, while also slowly trying to increase my daily mindfulness practice.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I suddenly felt the need to up my daily time in meditation. This has been gaining intensity over the past few days with me spending multiple hours a day meditating with mindfulness of breath. During this period I experienced what felt like energy emerging from my abdomen and later my very lower intestines (which seem to correspond with a dramatic decrease in the need to sleep). Also encountered were vibrational states in varying type emanating out of different points in my body and spreading eventually over my body, occasional visual images including a experience with geometric shapes being projected out of a rainbow backdrop behind my eyelids, and occasional moments of great clarity and happiness during the day.
Well, yesterday I spent the whole day in meditation, but towards the end of the day I felt my concentration waning and I decided to eat rather than fast as I had been planning. I just kind of lounged around the evening being generally aware, doing lying down meditation.
At some point in the night (I was kind of watching the in and out of sleep process), I was awakened by an experience that felt unlike something I have ever felt before in my life. Everything kind of went dark for a moment, not in just the physical sense, but on a deeper level. It was very deep and peaceful, and for a split second I didn't feel that I had a self. And just as fast as it happened the room was back.
Since the experience I have been somewhat restless and my neck and shoulders have a persistent dull ache as if I were tense except I am not as far as I can tell. I can't seem to focus very well at all, and my planned day of meditation has been mostly of the reclining nature, interspersed with bouts of walking. One unusual thing is that when I am in wide angle vision (a technique for awareness taught to me at a wilderness type school), my reality shifts. If I focus in on something it is there, but focus more broadly and colors start to act weird, objects leave trails, and even seem to be breathing or pulsating.

Have i entered the dissolution phase? If so, are there any specific techniques or meditations that would be useful while in this rather restless state?

I appreciate everyone's help! What a weird and wonderful journey this has been so far!!

RE: Is this A&P?
Answer
12/4/11 4:39 PM as a reply to Adam Dietrich Ringle.
hi adam,

sounds likely that it could have been A&P-related, if so then it would make sense, in terms of the progress of insight, that you've entered knowledge of dissolution. the symptoms you've described do sound similar in my experience, but when it comes to techniques for making progress then there's plenty of options ranging from anapanasati to Mahasi noting.

i'm assuming you're aiming towards enlightenment?

It was very deep and peaceful, and for a split second I didn't feel that I had a self. And just as fast as it happened the room was back.

what happened to that self? where is it?

One unusual thing is that when I am in wide angle vision (a technique for awareness taught to me at a wilderness type school), my reality shifts. If I focus in on something it is there, but focus more broadly and colors start to act weird, objects leave trails, and even seem to be breathing or pulsating.

that's fine, just observe it if it happens and don't let yourself get caught up in anything. use that "wide angle vision" and observe the whole sense field, see if there's anything being given undue attention or being pushed away.

i notice you mention some of the "pursuits you once enjoyed". don't worry if you find it more difficult to avoid those things, if you really do find that you're able to live better without them then you'll be able to deal with phases like this more easily but don't beat yourself up if you want to eat some sweets or to sleep in a bed. austerity is not required to get enlightened! if measures such as those you've taken are helpful and useful to you then go for it, but don't let them become hindrances in themselves.

how's your practice right now? would you mind saying a bit more about the sort of stuff you're noticing?

welcome to the DhO!