| | Here's my sit from today:
I decided to spend an hour noting out loud while looking at my kasina. It went like this:
Looking at kasina, noticing tape, noticing diagonal line, noticing red spot and blue spot on wall, discoloration in paint, suits hanging nearby, shadows from suits, trim, paneling, electrical outlet, looking at kasina, feet on floor, pressure on back from chair, forearms on arm rests, looking at kasina, hearing furnace blower, hearing car outside, wondering if wife is home, thinking about what to make for dinner, wondering if daughter is with her, looking at kasina, noticing spots again, suits, shadows, trim, paneling, electrical outlet, feeling sleepy, feeling very sleepy, rocking forward to try and stay awake, looking at kasina, noticing tape and diagonal line, hearing the cat move around, wondering when my wife will be home, listening, feeling sad, wanting to stop, wanting to look at the time, noticing my hair, nodding off and jerking head back up, very sleepy, rocking to stay awake, trying hard to focus eyes, mouth getting dry, looking at kasina, noticing tape, line, spots, suits, shadows, trim, paneling, electrical outlet, wondering how long it has been, hearing car go by, wondering if it is my wife coming home, if my daughter is with her, what to make for dinner, feeling sleepy, thinking that this isn't working, thinking that I am getting nothing out of this, thinking I am doing it wrong, hearing furnace blower ... (and on and on for an hour).
I noted out loud, as fast as I could. It seemed very redundant and I wondered if I shouldn't just skip a lot of the repetitive visual stuff. It obviously isn't furthering my concentration practice, so maybe I should do it eyes closed. I just don't know what to do. Still, better than yesterday I guess. |