| | Hello, sorry for the long message.
I found this website via buddhist geeks and Daniel's book, which I have read through very quickly and was stunned by the implications of it. Having read the book and a lot of these threads, it appears I may have been in the dark night for over 10 years without ever realising it. I have felt like I was searching for something as long as I can remember, but there was a particular event that occured when I wass around 15/16 that really sparked my interest in the 'spiritual quest'. I don't remember much about it now, but I know it happened after watching the film American Beauty with my friends, around half way through I started feeling strange in an uplifted way, and was paying as much attention to us in the room as the film. Later this feeling turned into a sense of unity and everything being ok. I sat on my bedroom floor for hours and wrote this which I have kept filed away all these years:
"The greatest works of art all point in the same direction but just from different angles. All they can do is point you the right way; you have to go there by yourself. They point towards everything, life itself, maybe even God. Words cannot describe it. Pictures cannot show it. Music can only light up a tiny section for a moment. You could get lost in the vastness I've been asleep.
Tomorrow, I will wake up, and still be asleep. For now I have woken up, just a little. I am Alive = I will one day die (So it goes) Peace."
I was right about the next day, I had a good afterglow but that intense experience had gone. I found a book on zen by Alan Watts, and though I liked the feel of it, there was little practical information about actual meditation, though it sparked my interest in buddhism. Cue a big gap, then finally a few years ago I started doing Samatha practice at a lay center. After a few months I started feeling pitti, pleasant energy, feelings of calm, and got really into it for a while. From my newly aquired knowledge I would say I got at least to 3rd jhanna, (and now can do so easily and on a regular basis.) Then something new happened, I started feeling intense build ups of energy, and my body start to shake. This scared me a little but I decided to go with it, and one time it intensified until I felt like I was having a seizure, with massive pressure in my upper body and head. It felt kind of unbearable but carried on going with it, then at some point my body surged up and forward, I felt like my head would explode. Then I dropped out of it and felt immense peace and calm. I had no frame work for this experience, so I got scared, eased off meditating and ignored the whole thing.
This was some time ago, I have not had similar experiences until last night, when I applied the noting technique to abdominal breathing. My question at this point, where on earth am I? Is shaking a vipassana symtom or can it happen from samatha jhanas? If I am indeed in the dark night what is the best way to cross it from here? Any advice/questions welcome |