Hello everyone!
I am new to the forum, but have known about the site for some time. I had an initial 'awakening' experience a few months ago, which led me to the forum after several weeks of vigorous searching. During this time I had a lot of work to do, including my master degree thesis (MSc), so slowly slipped back into normal stable 'consensus reality'. To some extent I forgot the experience...
I am here now because I could really do with some advice. I smoked a small amount of weed very recently and began discussing my previous experience, which caused me to 're-awaken', once again. I was delighted! It seems that I can maintain this state for several hours, or even days, long after any psychedelic has worn off. I slept 3 hours in two nights and was still in the state. It seems to go back to normal after I sleep. When I am in this altered state I experience the following:
- no attachment to material possessions whatsoever
- a feeling of 'just wanting to help'
- time slowing down (it would be more accurate to say I can think
more per unit of time)
- greater control over my surroundings
- positive emotional state, calmness, no real anxiety
- extremely fluid speech and writing
- an ability to remember things easier
- a feeling of seeing the 'bigger picture', connecting the dots, so to speak
- ability to know just what to say to help people and make them feel better (it's just I can read them better somehow, or the depth of analysis is increased)
- freedom from habits
- better able to look after myself
- more 'objective' somehow
(just to be clear, all of this occurs while I am walking around talking to people, interacting with the world, i.e., not in meditation)
The first time I went into this state (on acid) I felt extremely ungrounded, as though there was 'nowhere to go back to', like there was nothing familiar. It felt like I didn't know what to think or feel, yet I could remember everything and I knew exactly who I was and what I was doing (experimenting with illegal drugs and analysing my consciousness!). I had a greater sense that everyone else was in a different reality (more than just the usual intellectual understanding of this). Then I felt anxious, so found someone familiar to sit with and speak to, while I figured it out. There were no 'hallucinations', I was perceiving everything accurately, I just felt completely different. No visual, auditory, proprioceptive, distortions, etc, - there were initially some mild ones but these soon disappeared and I felt the new state was 'stable' in some sense.
I described my life as feeling small and far away. I felt somehow 'expanded', and with that detached from my life. The best way I could describe it would be to say that I saw my life as a 1D line, and what had just occurred as a deviation from that line, that I could not possibly have imagined until it did.
With this state seems to come all of the above 'abilities' I listed. This has occurred twice now. Both times it is the same. It is almost as though someone has turned the reality-perception knob up, along with my 'general intelligence'. I do however want to emphasise the feeling of
compassion I experience. So much so, that I feel I want to exist only to help others. Among other things I came up with the phrase "with expansion comes compassion" to explain this to myself. When in the state, I tend to feel and think things like "I shall eat this in order to boost my cognitive ability so I can help more effectively", or "I will eat this so I live, so I can help others". I am a lot more conscious of what I am doing somehow.
Although I have only experienced this state twice, and have 'fallen' back to normality both times, I have retained the feeling of 'just wanting to help'. It's more difficult in my normal state, but my
intentions remain the same. But I just feel as though I have to help myself before I can help others, or at least I can help others more efficiently if I help myself first to get back to this state. Nonetheless, even now, writing this message, I feel motivated only by the possibility of helping others.
Additionally, I feel as though others need to experience this in order to be more empathic; that it can help. Perhaps, in order to solve the current ecological problems we face. I know this sounds quite strange, but I feel so strongly that this could help if properly utilised and understood, that I would give my life for it. I just don't know where to go from here...
I have several questions, if it's okay:
1) Is there a 'state' or phenomena you know of that has as its symptoms all of what I have listed above? If so, what is this called?
2) What kind of technique/drug/technology might help me get back there (relatively safely)?
3) Is there a 'next stage' or level of awakening, where I would 'know' more, that would need fresh conceptualisation? What's next(?) in other words...
(this would make more sense if there are discreet stages, rather than some kind of continuum )
4) Is this pseudoscientific talk (I have heard on several websites, in books) of 'visiting other physical realities' and 'remote viewing' nonsense or real in some sense? I was thinking it's just the subconscious providing dream-like visions (hallucinations, in other words), but I am now wondering if these are actually ontological. I don't want to go mad!
If anyone could answer any of these I would greatly greatly appreciate it!
Thank youu!