Now, about 2 months ago, for the first time I was tri…ummm, dreaming, yeah, that’s it, and I had this big half-realization
You're allowed to say that you were tripping, it's fine. ; ) Encountering these sorts of realizations directly for the first time while on hallucinogens isn't unusual, however what do you mean by "big half-realization"? You either realized something about the way things are or you didn't so could you be more precise in your descriptions?
That my thoughts had been about
Buddhism
&
Magick
Essentially
Sensation
&
Meaning
And I found these irreconcilable. At the same time, both experiences where so real to me at that level, even though sensation was the one that I could rationalize intellectually as makin sense.
Would you mind explaining this in more detail please? I don't quite get what it is that you're asking about or trying to say here, I think I have a rough idea but it'd be useful to know some more so that we can talk about it in more detail. My background is in magick so feel free to go into specifics and terminology if it's easier, I'm familiar with most systems so maybe talking in those terms would be more helpful?
When I ask for "more detail", what I mean is a clearer description of what it was that you realized, what sort of feelings and sensations you noticed and that sort of thing.
Another note: While at the center, I kept thinking of the Dark Night, not having read Daniel’s book, but having read Meditations on the Tarot and some quotes from Dark Night of The Soul. I basically kept telling myself “no, this isn’t your dark night but it is your dark night, it’s a micro-darknight.”
You don't go through Dark Night once, it's a cyclical thing and you'll encounter it repeatedly once you've crossed what you may see described as the A&P, or Knowledge of the Arising & Passing Away. If you're familiar with the kabbalistic tree, this isn't quite the same as crossing the abyss but the general territory is similar, don't think that you hit Dark Night once and that's you done with it 'cause it's not the way it happens.
I'm not familiar with "Meditations on the Tarot", if it's the same book we're talking about, but I'm familiar with the standard attributions of the suits and their various correspondences so, again, if it's easier for you to talk in these terms then go ahead.
I guess I talked about everything but sitting. I guess because to me it feels pretty chill and uneventful. I had my body moved for me ones or a few times, and have been working out energic kinks (mostly through other practices than mediation) but when I sit, I just do the sensation work, get distracted, come back, nothing really noticeable. My big fear is that I'm still at square one and that I don't know if I'm ready to get any lonelier right now
What other practices are you using? Could you describe them more and how it is that you're applying the techniques.
From what you've said it's fairly clear, keeping things in terms of the progress of insight and the model in MCTB, that you've crossed the A&P and are now in Dark Night. It also sounds like you don't really have a serious meditation practice going on so that would be the first thing I'd recommend, go read MCTB and do some insight practice. The loneliness is just one manifestation of the stage you're in right now, it'll change and it'll go away but if you want to make progress, and also understand what it was that you realized a few months ago, then get your arse on the cushion and practice hard.
Good luck with it and keep us updated on how it's going.