| | Aug 7 2010, 7:53 PM EDT I have been holding off posting this until I had a better sense of what is going on. Since I don't have the latter, I am going to put this up there as possibly a good case study in an SE-fakeout, so you can read about it in more or less real-time.
I sat down last night with nothing but time on my hands. Now that I have no qualms about sitting in a chair, discomfort was no longer going to be an issue, and so I planned to just sit and get it done. I did set the timer for 90 minutes, but only to take a small break and get back into it.
Anyhow, the practice started as has been lately: some verbal noting, and then soon after pulsing and the third eye stuff. I found I was able to notice the different modes again: twitchy vibrations of the eyes and eyelids, a steady thrumming inside my head, and very quick fluttering of the visual field, usually limited to a specific spot. I also noticed that, generally, I could only notice one of those at a time. Because I was sitting for so long, thoughts did come and go but I was not engaged by them and I noted them away and went back to whatever I was looking at. Occasionally, the vibrations would be very pronounced in my fingers, and I would switch to them. I seemed to be able to watch much faster tingling in my fingers this time.
Sometimes I really had to hunt for the vibrations, which seemed wrong. Too much effort. I tried to do the "empty mind" thing, and maybe it helped. Eventually, I always got back to something.
Then very suddenly, there was a tremendous pressure in my chest, as though someone were sitting on it. It felt kind of like a rapture but 10x as strong. This pressure moved up quite rapidly into my head, and the tension up there was huge. Jaws clenched, it felt as though my head were being stretched. I thought "holy crap, is this it?", but then quickly just went back to noting all the sensations: the pressure, the pulsations, the chaotic visual stuff. Pressure, pulse, pressure. It lasted for a minute or two, and then quite rapidly it evaporated. In its wake was quiet, real quiet, crazy quiet. It seemed like a whole lot of chatter that used to be in my head was no longer there. I sat that way for another 10 minutes or so, during which the bell rang, but I kept sitting, loving the quiet bliss. I then got up, feeling kind of stoned.
So that is what happened. Here is what did NOT happen. A blip/discontinuity/cessation. It would be more accurately described as a mental orgasm, including the post-coital bliss afterwards. Even 30 minutes after, I still have a buzzed feeling in my head. WTF???
An hour later, I sat for another 60m. This time where I had multiple (3 or 4) surge/bliss sequences, with surge being only slightly less intense and the bliss being intensely jhana-like in the sense that I was totally absorbed, and totally NOT striving for anything. Just sitting. While similar to bliss I have experienced in the past, the main difference was the degree of bliss. 10x bliss. I also had a final surge that was a total body thing, head to toe. Intense.
This morning, 30m. I had a distinct body pulse right from the start, and easily focused onto body vibrations. Visual strobing and fluttering was more elusive. Then an energy surge starting at my crown, and then it felt as though my whole head was clenched, building into clear pulsation/vibration. The whole visual field was strobing with the pulsing, at a rate that was not too fast but certainly faster than my heart rate. I tried to disembed, but I was pretty engaged. Eventually, the surge waned, but this time without a dramatic release/bliss wave.
Later this morning, 45m where, upon sitting down, I immediately got visual strobing. Several periods of the same pressure build in the crown, clear pulsation in my head. Disembed and watch, trying to note pulse, pulse, pulse. But as earlier, the wave just dissipated rather than "crested" into the crashing bliss.
So then I changed tacks, and started investigating jhanas. I zoomed into J1, very absorbed with close, tight focus. I stayed with it until I could feel a rapture building in my lower body and arms. It slowly engulfed me, followed by bliss and a feeling of "inflation". Recalling cues, it did feel as though I was in touch with my whole skin, but maybe that was just scripting. But I stayed with that inflated sensation until I seemed to zoom into my head, but not tight like J1, it was much more spacious, and almost as soon as I "got there" I began to see strobing again. There followed several more pressure periods but, again, no great bliss wave. I got up from the sit feeling very stoned.
So that leaves me saying: WTF? Was this SE? If so, where is the cessation, as clearly none of these sits had one? I will be doing a long sit again tonight, so we'll all have to wait and see. |