Hello everybody!
I'm 27 and meditating on and off for about 5 years. Mostly breath concentration, ACEM meditation and some inspiration from Shinzen Young and some Noting. When I was young I was reading a lot on philosophy, right now I'm getting back on this track.
My motivation for this journal is to sort and reflect my experiences. Further right now I want to figure out, if I'm in the dark night or not.
With the risk of repeating myself, my dilemma is:
If I'm in the A&P stage right now I would prefer to not cross it now, to be able to sort some stuff out and finish my electrical engineering diplom.
If I'm in the dark night I want to keep practicing, not sort my stuff out but finish my diplom nontheless.
Practice to verify If I'm in the dark night could lead me to cross the A&P...
Is there any way to solve the dilemma? Right now I focus on concentration, because of the good feelings which keep me functional.
My Thread on what could have been my personal A&P event.
Since then I'm meditating on average 20 minutes a day. With a lot of internal talk. Mostly I concentrate on my breath and the pleasent feelings, which are back at last. Access concentration feels quite easy to attain. But often I drift away to thoughts. I do analyze my states and I think I'm capable of reaching 3. jhana. First comes the joy and "feeling into it" feeling. Then sometimes I get "pulled in" a little bit like the narcosis they used 10-15 years ago. I think I reached third jhana.
Like I did one year ago. Most of the times the perception of wide periphery and nothing in between (I love this donut metaphor!) predominates. It feels kind of empty, like the absence of sound when you jump into a swimming pool. Last night the feeling of bodily bliss/equanimity predominated and the perception of periphery was not so strong. I think that they are soft jhanas, because my internal talk is quite active meanwhile. Strangely, it happened sometimes, that I noted (ha!) that I was lost in thoughts, and then "woke up" in the next higher jana. At least there is a change in perception of space like described in the MCTB samatha janas. I don't know if it's technical possible, but this is how I experience it.
Last night I had a dream again: I realized I was dreaming, but then I thought I would be awake. I started noting "IMPERMANENCE IMPERMANENCE IMPERMANENCE" again. Then the vibrations kicked in hard. A lot of sensations were flickering, mostly visual. Quite horrifying. But I realized in the back of my head, that it is Ok to feel horrifyed. Then I woke up.
In this thread Tommy M writesTommy M:
the starting point for anyone pre-Path would depend on whereabouts they are on the insight maps but will also depend on whether or not they've crossed the A&P Event. If someone hasn't crossed the A&P, they'll cycle from 1st to 3rd ñana possibly crossing into 4th if their practice is strong; if someone has crossed the A&P then they'll cycle from 1st to 11th ñana until getting Path. Don't worry about the maps though, it all becomes much clearer with strong, dedicated practice.
At the moment, everything feels A&P ñana'ish. I begin to see or get a sense of vibrations. A lot sensations feel flowing, like when I hear a sudden sound I feel how it "flows" through me in the sense of sensations.