Hi Laura -
Just FYI, I shared the reports in order to provide additional information regarding my original questions, which are not all resolved. Am I totally missing the point, or is it worth asking for more clarification on those? I am still noticing curiosity arising with regard to these issues!
The original questions from the initial post:
Here are my questions:
1. I have noticed that my cycles through progress of insight (pre-stream entry) have sped up over the years. I would like to know if this is a common experience.
2. I don’t seem to be experiencing progress of insight while I am meditating. Basically, whatever stage I am in during the rest of my time, I seem to experience only that stage during the sitting / walking meditation. Is this common, or is my practice in need of some work to better recognize the stages during meditation?
3. In my visual field during the day, it always looks like it’s raining or that I can notice a very fine mist. When my eyes are closed, I see “television snow” a lot or other similar kinds of vibrating light shows – sometimes with colours, sometimes with just black-ish background and white-ish lights. Through the various stages of insight, I am aware of these experiences speeding up or slowing down, and seeing them better at either the edges or in the centre of my visual field. Are these vibrations? If so, how can I determine what HZ I am noticing them at? I mean, all I can tell is that they are faster or slower, or more jumpy / edgy or more subtle. Is there a way to measure and compare the frequency easily?
1. I think it is natural that cycling through the process of insight seems to happen more rapidly. I also think that is common, but I don't know.
When it seems that cycles are happening more frequently, the mind starts to perceive kind of a cacaphony of cycles. Pre-stream entry that can be very stressful/cause for the feeling of despair. So, frequency itself is not necessarily a sign of pending "progress" as this area of "fast cycling" can be a traumatic place of action as much as it can generate a beneficial break-through. There's often
samvega (despair) here: "how do I get out of this? Can I get out of this? I need someone's help." This causes mounting tension.
So, to work with the despair of cycling through these hard dukkha nanas, one adds gentleness and friendliness (metta). It is like the hospice patient who is receiving technically proficient care (analogy: a sitting practice that aims to be receptive and non-reactive to thoughts and feelings) and who also needs
just as much as technically proficient care the friendliness of bed-side listening, "how are you?", the occasional light foot massage, fresh air from an open window, maybe watching a favorite team on TV, causes for smiles and naturally arising appreciation. Very gentle, basic friendliness. So, the tension of the cycles --- the feeling of frustration/despair/tension --- is taken up with gentle, basic friendliness, too: occasionally noting to oneself "I understand. This is frustration/tension/despair". In daily life, applying a gentle, basically friendly lens to others and all of the sense-doors helps re-awaken awareness of innocent delights. This delight start to define space and distance that one is getting from the nearly addictive contact with the dukkha nanas. (That positive definition of space and sense-doors is really useful at this pre-stream entry period of fast cycling). Developing friendliness here is an antidote to developing pleasure-gratification in the dukkha nanas: this may not be your experience, but this does happen: lacking knowledge of a wholesome, transformative way through the misery, fear and disgust of dukkha nanas some people choose to take up the dukkha nanas as a pleasurable way of life: it is often a short-lived way of life, but it alleviates with their tension, at least in the impatient short-term. They get to make a decision - no matter how bad that decision is -- and this relieves their tension of cycling around the dukkha nanas and even cycling with "cold equanimity." (Sterile, distant "cold equanimity" is not the equanimity, nor is it the fourth jhana at all: that 4th equanimity has to it something like metta and willing proximity/non-invasive intimacy). Impatience is a big feature as the cycles seems to become more frequent and unavoidable: a person may approach a nihilistic, bitter view and think this is "equanimity" simply because they've gotten space from the emotional stress of the dukkha nanas. So, one cultivates metta: a gentle treatment of oneself and others: get sleep, get exercise, eat healthy, place oneself in sun rises and sunsets, along water ways, watching trees sway, fill bird feeders, etc.
Does the above make any sense to your question number 1? It's a bit more than you asked. My simple answer would be "yes, that's common" but I've never taken a survey.
2. About not experiencing insight in meditation and seeming to stay in one stage during the meditation: I think those are great observations. Personally, I have experienced what you're saying, but I again, I do not know if the experience is common. Here is something I do to check the tenacity of my mental process during sitting. I start to breath for 5 seconds inhaling and 5 seconds exhaling. After a few moments my breath will expand further and become concordant on its own with the heart rate. This means the diaphram is naturally moving in a manner that works in conjunction with the hear rate. It's not worth over-thinking this (e.g., Do I breath in the pause or in the beat?). The long, slow deep breathing will naturally find concordance with the heart. After about four minutes, I see the mind is very relaxed, has released some of its grip on whatever thoughts/state of tension or agitation it had at the outset. Usually, as soon as I realize the relaxation has occurred, the tenacious mindset returns, so it takes another few minutes of long, slow deep breathing again for the mind to release. Thereafter, the breath seems to get shallow naturally and the mind can take up an object of focus. My favorite objects of focus have been breath and hearing. Breath has been really useful, because if it is cultivated with friendly close attention, it will generate whole body pleasure. A mind that starts to experience that really starts to see itself as something worth exploring, the world as something worth exploring, and, in this, the torment of the dukkha nanas begins the process of unbinding.
3. The mist/TV snow in your visual field, yes, I relate to that. I have also used that as object of concentration. I just sit somewhere pleasant, cultivate a friendly mind and then just breath and watch. I am definitely emphasizing a friendly mind for a reason (this friendliness is "captured" by the word "Receptive" as well, as in "non-reactive receptive awareness", but I want to be clear here about friendliness. The dukkha nanas really pattern the mind deeply and bringing a light, deliberate felicity, benignity, friendliness is very useful therapy.
Are you saying that the best way to move from Re-observation to Equanimity is to start with 3Cs focussing on impermanence, followed or preceded by some metta practice during meditation?
And then are you saying that once Equanimity arises, to then focus on samatha practice and not insight?
Any clarification of this would be most helpful! Thank you so much for the direction.
So, I would sit for about 20 minutes with the breath and I would (and do) start the sit with the breathing mentioned above: 5-sec inhale, 5-sec exhale, watch how your deliberate breathing naturally becomes longer in concordance with the heart rate, then watch how the breath naturally goes shallow and leaves you behind with an released calm mental state. This will probably use up 10-12 minutes.
Then I would focus on how the inhale can bring pleasant sensation through the head. Especially how the inhale has sensation at the lip, the nostril and the sinuses and this can enliven the forehead and top of the head. This pleasant sensation can then enliven the whole body. It is like the mind knows inhale is delightful, rich. Exhale is a natural time to enjoy the relaxation.
After these 20 minutes, you might try your eyes on a nice, non-man made object, like loosely placing sight on trees. With calm breathing, let the eyes show their particulate ("television snow") aspects and their "we see the whole picture aspects". Without straining the eyes (don't worry about blinking/not blinking, just be relaxed and friendly about your willingness to enjoy a sense-door for a while) this can be experienced for about 20 minutes. Eyes seeing the static-iness and seeing whole picture. This is not to generate a trance or a special state - it is just being human and gently attending to one of the sense-doors.
What do you think?