Hi Stuart, welcome to the DhO!
I must applaud your resolve. You may not have many around you with such a burning desire to get it done, but this place is full of us

There is much in your post I will leave for more experienced folks to address. But I'll pick up this one: "They say that i can't get into Jhana states outside of retreat ... is this correct???"
It rather depends on your definition of Jhana, but most folks round here will tell you that the "soft" jhanas are indeed possible. Soft as opposed to the kind of hard jhanas talked about in the visuddhimagga. They're sometimes referred to as "sutta jhana" as they appear to be more similar to what the buddha describes in many discourses to what the commentary is talking about.
Keep reading MCTB, it's a great starting point.
And thanks for talking about your inspiring efforts!