Daniel M. Ingram:
If you have to meditate, metta would be better than most other things.
What are your local resources and supports, both meditative and psychiatric, as well as social?
What psychiatric diagnoses do you have? Any other meds you are taking?
At this point in my practice I am not really sure what metta is...
Basically I take a low dose of lithium orotate (which is over the counter) and a few other non-prescription supplements (around six, assuming I am not out of anything which is currently the case). I consented to the former after my parents (who put me up rent free) got very concerned when I didn't come out of my room for a week and a half (about a month ago) and was complaining that I couldn't sleep. I really didn't like this, but it seemed I had no choice, so I comply and try to be happy about it. I have become a little more guarded in what I say as a result.
I did get a formal diagnosis of Bi-Polar and was put on Saphris after a particularly acute outburst a few months ago, but I had a very strong reaction and didn't continue the medication.
I have seen several mental health professionals but am not currently seeing anyone.
I have been going to a class on a weekly basis with a local Tibetan Geshe who has been a great resource for me...although we don't really talk about "nanas and jhana." There have been a few times when I was freaking that he helped calm me down, made me dinner, etc.
Daniel M. Ingram:
Do anything for fun?
What is your life like now? Who do you live with? Job? Friends?
When you say "sensations that imply egoness" why not "sensations that imply there is no self at all?" as that is what all sensations imply.
Have you talked with any seasoned, strong, stable, experienced meditators about this?
Daniel
My life is pretty basic. Don't have a job. Am trying to do more things around the house in a joyful way, with a job being some kind of goal. Like I said despite my perceived difficulties my parents have been really great.
Don't do a lot with friends, although I do have a few and I maintain close contact with my "ex"-girlfriend who has been very supportive of me. Do more with family..am actually going to a wedding today.
All in all, just be happy and present in the moment here and now, not having a practice agenda.
This morning my practice seems to consist of me tensing and relaxing my muscles over and over, this seems to be the "backbone" of my "concentration." Calming the body seems to be the name of the game.