T DC:
Hi Akash,
Just wanted to try to provide some encouragement, though it seems like some guy is taking care of you. Definitely in my own experience of the path, intense mental suffering has occurred, and the only thing which ultimately made it better was putting as much effort as possible into meditation, either noting it, or just letting it occur.
I can relate to mental suffering. I feel it is easier to practice or letting it happen when it is mental. However, when it becomes so intensely physical, I cannot help but feel I dont deserve to go through so much pain. I just wish I could fall back to where I was before A&P.
It sounds like you are going through some pretty extreme physical suffering in addition to the mental aspect, personally exercise, and getting my blood flowing usually helps me with physical discomfort (although idk about the rash, if it is stress induced then hopefully further meditation helps).
Ever since A&P I have lost interest in exercise. It used to be so much fun before. I used to cycle an hour every night & go jogging in the morning apart from gym. Now even going to gym feels like excess baggage. With all the itching & pain going on, I can barely get around the house. I tried using Caladryl lotion on itchy spots and it felt a little soothing at first, but then the itchiness simply reappeared in new adjacent spots. It was also hard sitting in meditation yesterday and I couldn't go beyond 5 mins being overwhelmed by the itchiness. Today however I did manage an hour.
Also, I don't want to overwhelm you with meditation information, as for me especially when I was getting started, the volume of practices and advice out there was somewhat overwhelming, however; personally I found vipassana meditation, noting body sensations, to be a stressful, irritating experience, and have switched to meditating in the shamatha-vipassana style found in Tibetan Buddhism (as taught by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche). If you are interested in this, I would recommend reading Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa.
Good luck to you, hope this helps. It sounds to me like you're on the right track, and simply need to continue meditating.
Thanks for the suggestion. I feel that the sweeping style works fine for me.
Today morning I woke up feeling ok. As soon as I stood up the whole problem started again. I look forward to when I can go back to my normal life. I think I am probably in Re-Observation. If this isn't RO, then I cannot imagine what it could be. Once I reach the next Nana, I dont wish to experience the DN again for a long time.
Also, I feel my appreciation of music has improved from what it has been since A&P. I still don't crave it but it feels slighly more juicier now.