Hi
I have been dipping into the buddhist mindset for a few months now, especially after Finding Daniel's great eye-opening book MCTB.
For as long as I can remember i have had this love/hate relationship with the spiritual side of things causing me to explore spiritual practises (or at least read about them) As far back as my early childhood. say around the age of 7/8.
And times of discarding it all together..
For most of my life I feel I have been in some stage of the dark night. feeling numb, depressed, disengaged and frankly just baffled by the world as it presents itself.
Even though I have this undercurrent of a sense that there has to be more to it all, I cannot reccolect any one experience that resembles what I read about the arising & Passing away which in my mind should stand out as a crossroads that resembles taking of either morpheus's red or blue pil in the Matrix.
That way I could blame myself for not taking the red pil back to ignorance

I am asking really is it possible to have missed such an experience that led me to live in the dark night for most of my life?
With Love
Eelco