Mike Pierce:
Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate that.
I simply don't see how something can be wrong with the technique. I have read a lot about it, I understand how it works really well. I've studied some good science about mindfulness and its application in cognitive therapy for stress reduction and so on.
I am not over-analyzing anything when I am sitting, I am just staying with the breath, using counting or identifying long/short breaths as a way to interest the mind in the breath. From what I have read, I am allowed to think about the breath, I am not trying to defeat thinking altogether at this stage.
It's not about "defeating" thinking. Buddhism is a practice of skillfulness. The fact you had trouble with counting change means you are doing lots of concentration and it's interfering with thinking. Concentration is supposed to interrupt thinking down to only thinking about the quality of the breath. You aren't trying to analyze whether it's a good breath or bad breath. It's just what is. The purpose of concentration is to create a cocoon of mental rest from perceiving/thinking/reacting. It's a process where you let go and feel like "oh all I have to do is just watch the breath, what a relief!" If you have a goal setting attitude to meditation it will cause stress because of all the evaluation and self-referencing. It may be true that you have to reduce the amount you concentrate but if you practice mindfulness with thinking allowed then you should be getting better at disenchantment which is unpleasant and has to happen to become less addicted to concepts. Concentration is hard when wrestling with thoughts but when they become under control there should be a sense of relief. You need to taste that flavour of relief when thinking is less and you're more in the ambient senses. That taste should give the brain what it needs to enjoy it further and to let go of craving/aversion and want to keep it more often throughout the day.
When I first concentrated it was hard and it was supposed to be hard. It was the constant bringing the mind back to the breath with no goals/self-evaluation that got me to experience the 1st jhana for the first time. I was evaluating my progress and that was getting in the way of resting the mind. It was very hard. After a few months I got the hang of it and was able to see the mind naturally progress to other jhanas on their own just from natural boredom and exposure. Every new attainment is like a big wow and then you get used to it.
With the insight practice I felt I was starting all over again and the thoughts were racing. The noting practice interrupted the ruminating/clinging and that clinging habit weakened over the years so that thinking is more directed and less problematic. If there's mental stress it's because some thinking habit needs to be let go of. Sometimes emptying your mind of all thinking until it's quiet is what's needed so you can compare when there's mental pain and when there isn't. I noted all day and it's what melted the habitual strain I had. Pain was a signal that I needed to let go so it was actually a good signal. If you're noting you're not ruminating.
I don't remember seeing it in your post but have you gotten any dhyanas/jhanas yet? If you haven't with all that practice then I'm certain you're still rating your performance to the point of interrupting the calm that is necessary to get to access concentration and beyond.
Mike Pierce:
I am doing my very best to stay gentle and relaxed. I have no aversion or craving for the practice, just a natural desire to be effective at it.
Yes you do.
Mike Pierce:
That leaves two options:
1. Some kind of meditation intolerance which is specific to me, which I hope is not the case
2. The wrong dose of meditation.
I am glad, Sawfoot pointed out that 3 hours a day can be too much. I'd love to hear more opinions on this. I think it makes perfect sense that what's happening to me might be the effects of too much stress on the brain while giving it too little time to recover and adopt from a physiological standpoint.
As a matter of fact, setting a ceiling for the amount of daily meditation is not unheard of. It is common practice in TM, for example. Many random websites with meditation instructions suggest that you should increase your exposure to meditation in a gradual manner.
Here is an interesting instructional video I found, it compares meditation to weight lifting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eikveDVdV0
I guess I would really feel shitty if I was to go to a gym and lift weights daily 5 times per day for 2 months.
The above are a whole list of beliefs that will affect your emotions. I would read about depending arising so you understand better what I mean. Perception sees something to like or dislike and starts squeezing in your head like a tensing muscle and this can happen to how you
evaluate your meditation practice.
Having a belief that you have an allergy to meditation or there needs to be a "special" dose are all hindrances of doubt. Hindrances always getting in the way of calm abiding. More so in beginners but it still does for experienced practitioners.
If I were you and had extra time between jobs I would meditate without a timer and just meditate as long as you want to constantly relaxing the face and skull and stay with the breath while doing tasks so you get used to reducing thinking but directing what thinking is left to tasks. Exercising, eating right, sleeping well, and completing fullfilling tasks will also be needed while practicing. Learning new skills always makes the brain feel sore. Taking brakes with no meditation whatsoever is also necessary to prevent burnout, but at some point you have to get back at it.
With all this practice at some point your brain will deeply relax into a jhana and when that happens you need to develop it with further practice and then move to the mindfulness practice so you can wean yourself off of needing concentration practices so they become more like tools and the deconditioning of bad mental habits deals with the cause of the problem in the first place. That problem is clinging/ruminating (including ruminating about the practice).
Here's some links on Jhanas from a Jhana master:
Leigh Brasington JhanasHere's an interview with Leigh that talks about side-effects of meditation:
Leigh Brasington Interview - VimeoI hope that helps!