| | Hi Mr. Ingram, unfortunately I can't add much about the experience from when I was sixteen. It wasn't visual, it wasn't outside of me. I can't say how big it was or anything like that. But I have this little memory that the blackness wasn't an emptiness, it had substance. I also have a vague memory of saying the blackness was going to overcome me, but I'm not sure of this. I believe it lasted a matter of seconds. It was over 25 yrs ago and the memory of it sticks with me but not the actual experience of it.
For some reason it came to mind recently and the way I had described it then struck me. I can kinda understand what I meant by a big blackness but I'm not sure what I meant by " I didn't have words". I do remember struggling at the time to describe it and felt I couldn't do it properly. And I know for sure that it scared me, but I can't say why.
The other experience when I was walking down the stairs, it was like suddenly someone switched my brain out for an infants. I was perfectly normal just walking, then I was there on the stairs like a baby not knowing how to proceed forward. It wasn't in anyway an unpleasant experience. I stood on the stairs not thinking or doing anything. I just stood there till everything was back to normal then I went down. I also cannot bring this experience back in order to explain it, the way we can with a lot of memories, I can't relive it, if you know what I mean.
I just thought maybe this might strike a chord with someone and maybe they'd know what I'm talking about. Maybe it was some kind of seizure or some physical thing, I mean I really have no idea. The first happened at a pivotal point in my life. Right before I started having children and spent the next 25 focused on raising them. I realize my descriptive abilities leave something to be desired, sorry I couldn't do better.
With love, Mary Thomas |