Hello
(If you wish to help me, but really are in a hurry, jump to the 3rd part.)
Context: As I have posted before, I had an experience which suggested that I had entered the stream. I'm still not sure that that was the case, but I'm more inclined to say that I entered the stream.
Why? Mainly because there's no way I could go through what I went through this year of my life without going nuts. The reason I still have doubts is because it seems to me that the experience of interruption of consciousness I had was just path attainment, not fruit. It was like a damage done to a building (path) that eventualy will have to colaps (fruit).
I don't have a teacher to discuss this with so I'm still very much in doubt.
Present Situation:I have been having some weird experiences. This happens mostly when I am sleepy in meditation, but certainly not only in that situation. I am meditating and, when my mind wanders, it's not into fantasies/worries about the future or the past. I will try to use a metaphor. It's like my mind is water in the bathtub and the drain plug is defective. So instead of the water moving and moving, it slowly goes down the drain. When I realise that there's no water in the bathtub, the water "explodes" like a geiser. (Ugh, what a lousy metaphor). I hope you understand what I'm saying. My mind runs out of things to think about and it seems like torpor, because it's probably mixed with it. When I realise the absence of any awareness I suddenly see a bright light. And sometimes this happens two times in a row: "unconsciousness" --> bright light --> "unconsciousness" --> bright light.
I don't know if this is cycling or just plain and simple falling asleep.
On to the main questionWhen I first arrived at equanimity, before what I think was first path, it was a bit rough. Then it became smooth. I had equanimity towards sensations. And when I had attachment or aversion, my attitude was relaxing the attachment and aversion.
This equanimity I am now on seems to be on a different level. It's not equanimity just towards sensations with curbing of attachment and aversion. It's equanimity towards sensations and the attachment and aversion themselves. It's like finding a priviledged point of view where everything is fine. Good, bad, suffering, happiness, pleasant, unpleasant; everything is fine.
This priviledged point of view feels like I am at the center. This may seem weird but it feels like the center of this perspective is at the spine, behind what the hindus call the heart chakra. And I have an intuitive feeling that, if I cultivate this centered perspective and, when proficient enough, just drop the center and become centerless, that I will attain 2nd path.
So the questions are: 1- Is this equanimity on a different level of cycling, ie, on the cycle to the 2nd path? 2- And if this is the case, does this intuitive notion on how 2nd path may happen make sense?
Thanks!