....
The other day I felt very heavy, the normal ugly dark night shit in my heart. I decided to sit down and do the breathing/visualization practice of Om Ah Hum. I approached it in an open way, not expecting anything in particular, just to see what would happen. To my surprise, by the virtue of the practice, I was transformed. Not only was my experience no longer contracted, I was feeling quite blissful. And then I just let that be what it was.
However, I experience this alternation quite a bit still. Another thing is that every experience seems to be amplified in intensity, no matter if I deem that pleasurable or painful, but they don't feel boxed in, just intensified in color.
I feel very strongly that if I actually sat every day, interesting things will happen. Hard for me to get that discipline when I feel so strongly a surrendering impulse in practice, which lends itself to "not doing" (which includes not doing shit!

).
I have a tendency to not see where I'm at, as well as to assess myself short of where I actually am. To make it a little more challenging, I don't have much interest in reading about maps (at least right now), although I am interested in how best to practice in this moment. So, getting feedback from my fellow practitinoners is so helpful and I value it much more than reading books about maps.