| | first of all, i would like to point out that i am a low experirnce practitioner, who never even been in a vipassana retreat. and nor an impressive concentration.
i had an experience i now call "insight" and for the last year have been kinda struggling to understand and maybe even obsessing on. i hope that maybe you can help me here a little to at least let me know what exactly happened and what should i expect (if anything which is what i do experience regularly).
i had a very distressing experience in my job, and it brought a lot of "self" in me, i just thought about it and my body and mind just ran away from the memory and couldn't handle it.
so a day or two after it i sat down and meditated, and couldn't concentrate, i just tried to look at it, and i dont remember the complete details, but soon enough i was in an other reality - i tapped to my mind stream, and saw directly the process of thought, in which i could see the interconnectedness of the process of thought, and the emptiness of the "i" which i used to relate to.
so at some point i remember to lose all hope, maybe being sick of the entire process, and my mind just restarted.
after experiencing this, i felt enlightened to some extent - i could see the pleasure in thought in a way that i wasn't truly aware of before, and wisdom in much bigger extent.
oh, and another thing, i kinda felt that the falling into nothing used the thought about the experience in work at its base somehow, and after awaking it truly didn't "threaten" me anymore.
after a few days i saw what i call "mara" creeping into my life again, and that was the end of this experience.
anyway, in somewhat different perspective, i shared this experience with a teacher of mine, but he didnt put much attention to it, and i had a big vacuum about it, so i read d. ingram book. and for some time i believed it to be the "fruit / fruition".
i dont really know, but i think i developed a little ego grasp to this, can you tell me if that was really what i think it was? and what consequences i may expect from it? after all a year has passed and i dont have anymore like this. |