| | Hello everyone, i am new to DHO. I sent kenneth folk over at kenneth folk dharma a message but havent gotten back a response so ill post it here hoping that someone will respond with adequate knowledge. Ok so first i will give a little background on myself. I have never really meditated or anything, i knew about buddhism in general but that was it. I started my spiritual path by doing A Course in Miracles and practicing unconditional forgiveness on a daily basis for about a year. This led to some great experiences. Then one day i had an experience of God-Consciousness, or quasi-enlightenment as i like to call it now because at the time i thought i was enlightened lol. This was followed by a psychotic breakdown with paranoid delusions, anxiety, and all types of fears in general, this lasted like 3 months. Once i felt i could continue practicing i started to research into buddhism and specifically meditation. I read Daniel Ingrams book and many other sources even the suttas themselves. There is a feeling of desperation for awakening and freedom. I looked up into celibacy and many other things such as the chakras and kundalini stuff. Its been like 2 months of meditation, with at least one hour of meditation daily. I am now increasing it to 2-3 hours as i have more free time now. I am doing jhana practice as a basis for insight practice. eg. i go into first jhana and as the buddha said " when the mind was most purified, bright, unblemished, rid of defilement and pertained to imperturbability" i do insight into the 3 characteristics. I seem to be making no progress though. I would like to know where i am on the path of insight. Have i crossed the dark knight? it sometimes doesnt feel like it because i still have a bit of paranoia and anxiety in general. Where am I? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks. |