| | Hi Jeff. Thanks for the new info.
I think your practice sounds fine for now, but I'd like to make a recommendation (take it or leave it).
You mentioned an intense suffering brought on by looking at a wall. I don't really know what you mean by "intense suffering", but it sounds pretty bad to me. What has always been the most useful for me in this regard is to discover the sensations associated with the experience of suffering (pain in the stomach, tightness in the chest or throat, energy blocked up in the head, etc.), and dive right in to it. Treat the suffering as though it is a good friend or family member that needs to spill their guts to you, and all you have to do is pay attention to the message. It's as if the sensations and suffering are trying to tell you something really important, and they won't go away until you hear them out. Eventually, the experience opens up and there is relief -- as well as some new insight.
I hope that helps. Keep us updated on your practice :-D
~Jackson |