Ash More Vegas:
Hi Everybody.
I am new to this site, however i have done my fair share of reading the actual freedom website and Buddhist literature. I have done two 10 day meditation retreats, and practiced with various teachers.
I have also had a few Peak experiences or PCE's playing tennis, and others spread out at spontaneous moments.
I have recently had cancer, left my social network and returned to my hometown. I have recovered from it ..but lost alot of confidence i used to have. Not so much due to the illness, i got through that well at the time...but more the after effects - things like losing hair, financial situation, breaking up with g/f, being back at home etc. The thing is, most of what i thought i had gained due to insights and experiences, hasn't held up under pressure.
I realize this site is for serious practitioners - and i see that my only solution is to go deep and start again. I am just looking for some advice where to start as i am suffering quite alot now. Any exercises that have really helped someone get out of a bad spot - and on the road to clarity and towards AF?
HAIETMBA is good, but the heaviness sometimes doesn't allow me to stay with it.
Many thanks

Hi Ash,
I'm not very experienced with this myself (5 weeks), but have made some progress. Take my advice as coming from that position. I want to give it though, in case it helps.
HAIETMOBA
How Am I Experiencing This Moment Of Being Alive?
Currently you experience this moment of being alive in a certain way. Just noticing what that is, right now, in this moment, can get you some leverage.
You have mentioned a lot of things about your current situation. One that jumped out to me was:
"The thing is, most of what i thought i had gained due to insights and experiences, hasn't held up under pressure. "
Look into this. Examine this with HAIETMOBA. If you can take away the things that make it so that the confidence and insights etc., don't fall apart anymore, you'll be in a much better position to progress.
What is the thing that gets in the way of you keeping your confidence, insights and all the good things you've gained?
May be several things, I don't know. But examine those.
And about this:
"HAIETMBA is good, but the heaviness sometimes doesn't allow me to stay with it."
I recognize that as well. The key, for me, lies in applying the method to that heaviness as well anyway, if only for a moment. If you can't keep it up, don't sweat it. Continue when you can. Even if it's short moments at first, those moments will help.
And some really heavy stuff doesn't go away instantly. And you have quite some heavy stuff. But each and everytime you do at least something of the method, you take a step forward. I've had a thing that I thought I would never get over. But kept going at it anyway. And to my surprised, first. it loosened up a bit, got lighter. And then gradually, with my continued effort, it kept getting less bad. It's still there a bit, but at a point that I know it will go.
Anyway, as I said, beginner here, but maybe this helps.