| | Relating also to your questions correction: Cedric's other thread and his reply on this thread - about family and children on the other thread, what I have noticed in my own life is a gradual dropping of attachment to things, but dropping of attachment is not the same as aversion, but rather seems to be an open, ease-ful, relaxed space around the thing. So for example, when the body needs food (and sometimes when it is simply stimulated by a familiar food smell, like bacon frying!) the saliva and digestive juices start flowing - one feels hungry. There's a difference between simply experiencing this as it is, and feeling uncomfortable with this sensation, wanting to end it urgently, and grabbing a couple slices of pizza and chowing down. The sensation of being hungry becomes less of an urgent demand, and merely a natural response. It feels more okay to have those sensations, and the "lust" to eradicate them by immediately eating something is diminished. For me sexual urges have changed similarly - biological feelings may arise due to hormone cycles, for example, but are not terribly important and do not dominate my attention. I'm also not a 20 year old single person, so your mileage may vary.
Relating to other people has also changed, including relating to close family members and my spouse. I generally feel a great deal of fondness and love for other people, even if they are weird, quirky, trying my patience, etc. There's more "space" in the relationship to allow them to be as they are without wanting to manipulate them or change them. I can see that they are reacting from their own karma, conditions, etc. and doing the best they can, even if what they are doing is causing a lot of suffering. A friend of mine used the term "unconditional high regard" as a way to describe how her practice has pointed her in relation to other people, and that resonates quite often (though not always!! there's room to grow!) Behaviors that in the past were irritating or made me angry now often seem endearing or at least worthy of empathy. I feel more inclined to be helpful, patient and generous with others. I find other people interesting and likeable, even when we don't have a lot in common. This impacts my family life in that I really enjoy goofing around with my nieces and nephews (I don't have kids of my own), spending time with my extended family and husband, keeping company with friends and so on, where I used to be quite a bit more introverted and keep to myself more, as I found other people trying and exhausting to be around.
I recall points in my meditation practice -even recently - where I would truly worry that if this process didn't stop I'd end up "losing everything" or "turning into a nun" or such - there's a fear that comes sometimes with the loosening of attachments, because I couldn't imagine how that could work without the result either being not giving a shit about anything or becoming averse to the things I had previously liked. What it's been like instead is not either of those, but rather the relationship to things changing from being painful/needy/clingy/fraught to being easeful/gentle/soft/peaceful. That cycle of fear/anxiety seems to be a not uncommon pattern as things continue to shake out.
Hope that helps a bit. |