Hi Lee,
Lee K:
When you say, "...discover insight about what is causing the negativity in your session" are you suggesting finding the concrete causes of particular negative sensations, e.g "I feel tense because I'm overtired"?
Well, yes, sort of. The example you gave ("because I'm overtired") is rather simplistic and not very deep in terms of discernment; and yet, depending on the circumstance, may
very well be the origin of the unpleasant feeling. However, it also may be something that you are not able to yet consciously identify with any precision or depth of observation with regard to its arising. It all depends on what's going on that is affecting your response. If the way you described it in your first post is actually an accurate description of what you are undergoing:
"It's not a thought it's a general feeling - physical sensation and I guess an emotional state of sort of "yuck, I don't want my attention going there"/revulsion? - this creates an unpleasant tension that is a bit overwhelming and hard to note - can't seem to find a way into it..."
Then, yes, look directly at what is causing the
vedana to arise as "unpleasantness." It may not pop out at you the first or second time you endeavor to examine this. But eventually, the origin of the "feeling" will make itself known to the mind that keeps seeking and examining its own experience to find the cause of the affective response.
Lee K:
I will look up what you are referring to regarding "aggregate of vedana" to get a better idea of what you mean.
Vedana is the second aggregate in the five aggregates that Gotama talked about as being his description of what makes up personality view. The five aggregates (
khandha which means "a heap" of something or "aggregate" for short;
pancakkhandhas or five heaps or aggregates that make up the personality view of the individual) are
rupa (form or matter, i.e. like the physical body),
vedana (the affective response to an experience often referred to as "feeling"),
sanna (or perception),
sankhara (volitional formations in the mind), and
vinnana (conscious awareness of an object of observation).
Traditionally,
vedana is translated in English by the word "feeling," but in actuality is defined as the "affective response to phenomena" as either a "pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral"
feeling about that phenomenon. Sometimes these words are best left untranslated while at the same time providing a definition of what is meant by the word. In this case, if you can transfer this special definition to the English word "feeling" then you will know what others are speaking about when they use it to refer to
vedana.
Having a accurate idea or conception about what
vedana refers to is crucial to understanding (through insight) how to identify the origin of
vedana when it arises into one's awareness.
At the end of this message, I have provided you with a couple of downloadable files which are essays that I wrote for myself to help me navigate my way through these processes of mind, so that I might become ever mindful of them.
Lee K:
Your suggestion for do some concentration practice for a bit may be helpful - the first practice I was taught and did regularly was mindfulness of breathing - in doing that a lot though I got very very focused (compared to my "base" state prior that) and sort of burned out. There is a balance somewhere there!
Yes, there is a balance. And that balance is in the use of insight (
vipassana) in conjunction with the concentration/calm/tranquility (
samatha) practice you were doing. Someone neglected to inform you properly about how to practice this type of meditation. If all you were doing was calm/concentration practice, and not following up with insight, then it is no wonder that you became "burned out" about it. You weren't being taught what to do with this new found concentration!
When taught properly, once the person develops enough concentration and calm to be able to stay with an object of observation (like the breath) for extended periods of time without an unnoticed break in concentration, they should begin practicing a
satipatthana type of meditation.
Satipatthana is what the Buddha described as "the direct path" to self-realization and awakening, and refers to the four
establishments of mindfulness.
Satipatthana involves becoming mindful (in an insightful way) about the arising of
rupa (or the body),
vedana (one's affective responses),
mano or
citta (the mind and mind states), and
dhammas (or phenomena, such as mundane thoughts, or when pursuing knowledge of the Dhamma the five aggregates, the five hindrances etc.). To quote Ven. Analayo from his classic book
Satipatthana, The Direct Path to Realization: "According to the discourses, not seeing the arising and passing away of phenomena is simply ignorance, while to regard all phenomena as impermanent leads to knowledge and understanding. Insight into the impermanence of the five aggregates or of the six sense-spheres is "right view," and therefore leads directly to realization. Thus the direct experience of impermanence represents indeed the 'power' aspect of meditative wisdom."
This has also been corroborated by my direct experience of this process.
Lee K:
Going back to negativity in practice - when I reflect I can see that whatever state I have experienced in meditation (or otherwise) has never lasted - the other night was a feeling of intense fear, then a few hours later a very open, pleasant state...taking this perspective makes it easier to keep going.
Good. That is a wise observation! Keep observing your experience in that way and you will gradually release all the
dukkha what is within you.
Lee K:
What are the main practices that you do and how do you find balance between samatha/vipassana?
Since I'm able to remain mindful throughout the day, finding balance between calm and insight is quite easy for me these days. I enter
samadhi and spend the majority of my time contemplating insight about things I'm interested in examining. I meditate an hour in the mornings and a half hour in the evenings.
Learning to cultivate mindfulness, though, was not easy. It took several months of practicing
dhyana (sometimes spelled "jhana") meditation in conjunction with
satipattana practice (often outside of formal meditation) to recondition the mind in order to promote continuing mindfulness. That was just my experience based on the circumstances I had to deal with; others may vary and accomplish this more rapidly or more slowly depending on their particular circumstance.
In peace,
Ian