Bobby Anspach:
i sit for 3 to 4 hours a day and do the noting practice. When I realize I have been lost there is an awareness of the residual tension and at times a great acceptance of the process but there is also some doubt.
Note "lost", "tension", "lost",
Thinking that it should be otherwise.
Note "wanting (otherwise)", "desire', "urge", "dissatisfaction" etc
Sometimes I become quite present and there is peace and some concentration when the wanting of.
Note "peace", "joy", "wanting" etc.
SE begins to go away. A little.
You mean the desire for SE goes away? Note "fading (desire)", "gone", "whatever replaces the wanting" etc.
There can be joy and happiness here that this sort of peace is available. I note these things I believe.
Good. Keep doing that. Notice the desire for something better though or desire for experience not to end.
I notice sensations and vibrations and their vedena. Sometimes it feels like I am dropping into some deeper space and sometimes there is a sense of expansiveness and spaciousness.
Note the perceptions of "space" and "expansiveness".
This is only sometimes. There are still times of restlessness and aversion of course. I note these things as well.
Good. Keep doing that.
I sat this morning and there was not much concentration. Much wandering mind.
Note "wandering", "no concentration", "restlessness", "sluggishness" etc.
I bring in more noting and it feels to harsh.
Note the feeling tone shifts i.e. "harsh-unpleasant" etc.
Like I can't drop into that spacious place.
Note the desire to drop into that spacious place.
I realized that just doing a broad more infrequent noting could be useful instead and can allow me to receive the subtlety of the sensations when my mind is there with them.
Good. Do what works for you.
But alas. The mind wanders when I release the noting just a bit.
If it doesn't work for you, train the mind to catch the "wandering" sooner rather than later by simply noting "wandering" when the mind remembers to notice and note. It will get easier to catch such mental movements.
In writing all this I see. Yes I should just continue to notice these things but alas, I want to go deeper. Wanting is happening. And so, any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Note "wanting to go deeper". It is pretty simple. Co-opt the 'craving' and 'wanting' into your practice. Those occurrences of craving are arising and passing all the time. Rather than create more craving running from the craving, and not wanting it to arise (i.e. craving craving's demise), make it part and parcel of the practice. Resolve to include 'craving' and its compounding elements/aspects into the mix. Notice what makes up an 'urge' to acquire or get rid of. Note the compounding phenomena that creates this display of wanting. Co-opt the craving as just more grist for the mill to quote KF.
This is what I did. And my practice naturally 'went deeper', without me fumbling over 'wanting to go deeper'. I also took
this on board too. Co-opt the urges, desires, wanting and craving into just more phenomena that gets noticed and noted. Craving sucks balls when it isn't noticed as it arises and as it passes. The phenomena compounding into the experience of 'craving' when broken apart by the light of seeing the compounding in real time, is given the space to actual disassemble and cease to be 'craving'. Then you are just noticing and perhaps noting the 'parts' that made it up i.e. sensations, feeling tone, images, mental overlays/mind states, thoughts.
Nick