Last night I had my first obvious A&P in about two months. I had just finished up with a 30 minute session of Reichian exercises, and I was feeling static-electricity-like energy throughout my whole body (and, weirdly, mostly in my arms). Right after the Reichian I began meditating by focusing on my chakras one-by-one from the bottom up. While I was doing this I was considering the idea of kundalini as it relates to sexual tantra, and where the A&P fits into sexual tantra. After I focused on each individual chakra I focused on all of them at once; in about a minute I felt an increase in vibrations and intensity of the energy in phase with the breath. I thought, "Awww shet, speak of da devil" as the vibrations continued to intensify,
especially in my head. At this point my skin got very hot, and my heart started beating faster.
Besides focusing on chakras prior, the above is the typical beginning of an A&P for me. Throughout the whole intensity-crescendo I never experience bliss. I mainly experience a mild sense of apprehension and I generally feel that I'm resisting something. Eventually, the vibrations will get so intense in my head that I put the brakes on by opening my eyes for a second or two, then the vibrations will wane and I end up in dissolution. This is how last night played out (although I let the vibrations intensify much longer than usual).
Also, my last obvious A&P (before last night) was exactly as Daniel describes here (without the climax; I resisted)
I began trying to catch it, second after second, really going after the visceral, perceptual experience of what was observing, and before I knew it, got into this rapid-fire back and forth, super-concentrated state of everything vibrating in my head, and the whole thing zapped back through my skull at very high speed into some black space, and it was done
Now, as far as chakras go I'd be willing to wager that my brow/crown chakras are much more active than my lower centers (especially heart). Is this why A&Ps are so head-focused for me? Is this why the A&P isn't pleasant for me?
Are A&Ps usually blissful? Am I resisting the full A&P event because it's not blissful/pleasant, or is it not blissful because I'm resisting the lack of control from the beginning of the A&P?
And, my most important question, does resisting the A&P event matter? Am I resisting some necessary energetic process? If so, how do I let down my resistance?
Any stabs at these questions would really help. Thanks.