Adam . .:
some unorganized [but insightful] observations:
My practice right now seems to be all about "moods," watching them shift and change, seeing how they affect me and others, and trying to come out of unhappy moodiness whenever it arises. Moods seem to basically be just "pockets" of energy that I hold back from whatever situation I am in.
They express their energy mostly through thinking, and they can switch the topic of that thinking given some external trigger.
Sometimes they just seem to lift and I can suddenly give myself to whatever situation I am in, sometimes they stick around longer than it seems like they should and I try various practices to come out of them. One thing I try is to simply remember that they are temporary and that I wasn't in one a little while ago and I won't be in one shortly, also I try to just cut off whatever thinking they are engaging in, or to just observe their energy in my body.
I also notice that sometimes when a mood has been sticking around for a while and I have been observing it and trying to dissolve it that it might actually be that my thinking about the mood and trying different things on it is what is keeping it going. I think that sometimes I am just thinking about moods and about being present to dissolve them and not actually doing it in a way that really has a strong effect.
Sometimes it also seems that the willingness to escape the mood is absent and that is confusing.
When they are really strong then sometimes that leads to my priorities changing and the only thing that matters is getting out of the mood, and in that case I can just direct my attention to the present and away from the thoughts and that does the trick.
It's emotions like those where I simply concentrate away from the thoughts and emotions until they subside, but they are quite tricky.
All of these are
very good observations. The fact that you are aware of these events at their subtle level of arising speaks well for your practice. The fix that you are seeking involves gaining wisdom with regard to each of these events as they arise and realizing that these events have nothing to do with a "me, myself, or I." If you can get to the point where equanimity is applied each time that one of these events arises, you will begin to see, with wisdom, the origin of the event and realize
that you do not have to identify with it.
It isn't so much that you
apply equanimity (consciously), but that the impression of equanimity arises on its own due to wisdom with regard to what is occurring,
because you see what is occurring with insight and comprehension of what it truly is. Sometimes, though, in the beginning of learning and practicing this, you may have to apply equanimity consciously in order to keep yourself grounded (i.e., not let yourself fly off the handle emotionally one way or the other, but realizing that maintaining an even and balanced mental keel is best). Yet, eventually, once your mindfulness has become more developed as an ongoing present-moment process, equanimity will arise on its own as you see, with insight, the origin of the factors that led to the arising of the mood, and therefore see the mood for what it truly is and are able to let go of it.
With wisdom, you will see that the event
is merely a mental formation, created in the mind and triggered by an outside occurrence from which you associated a feeling (
vedana) of either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral liking, disliking, or neutrality toward the occurrence. Once you are able to reach down and become
mindful of this level of subtlety and insight in your practice, these moods, when they arise, will not last very long because you will have seen through their illusion and realized that they are not real and have no substance. They will disappear of their own volition.
This is difficult to explain without bringing up an example that one can relate to. Because, until one makes the initial breakthrough in insight, everyone reacts differently to various stimuli. Meaning that you may or may not understand the example being pointed to. Yet, I will endeavor to provide an example similar to what I am speaking about.
Let's say that you just got fired from your job, and that event gave rise to a feeling (
vedana) that was unpleasant with regard to the event. That unpleasant feeling, in turn, gives rise to negative emotions and a perception of (identification with) depression over the event. If you allow that negativity and depression to overwhelm you, you will not be able to deal effectively with finding a solution to the event.
This is where equanimity enters the picture. If you can see where this feeling and these negative emotions had their origin, you can begin to deal equanimously with the matter. The unpleasant feeling and negative thoughts
are merely mental formations which you can either identify with (i.e., hold onto) or let go of. If you let go of these, then you will be able to deal more effectively with the aftermath of the event, which is to locate new employment.
By being able to see with clarity (wisdom) the arising of these negative elements in your perception, you are able to resist identification with them and thus lessen their effect on you. That is, these moods will be less likely to arise, and you will be able to get on with your life in a positive manner.