| | Hmmm. Then I suppose my dilemma lies more around where I have parsed myself to be on the maps.
Encountering these problems I had thought that it was in the stage of equanimity, since I had subtle sensations all over my body but nothing approaching rapture and had just seemingly come out of the dark night which would seem like something I've been in since december when I passed a relatively a relatively weak A&P, from what I've read... But I have a dilemma with that since my life in general has been a squalid depression, so I wonder if i really crossed the A&P due to the fleetingness of my encounter- basically two days of the good stuff that goes along with it, then I was right back to relative suffering. But since I did a sit/serve at a goenka center this past summer, my depression has palliated greatly and so with the culmination of the retreat I returned from just on sunday, I had sort of felt comfortable considering myself as being in equanimity. is it possible that my concentration abilities haven't paralleled my vipassana jhanas? because I do experience a relative wealth of subtle vibration nowadays in my meditations. or is it just the case that I am finally at a, uh, normal for lack of better word quality of mind? or is it just with a new technique that one has to fit it to the form of the jhanas they have? or potentially just my off retreat concentration is flagging so i haven't gotten by the first three nanas in each sitting, considering how one goes through each of them up to wherever they have attained every time that they sit. (that is true right? i've heard someone say that potentially all one will experience is equanimity, although they go through each of the nanas everytime you sit- does that mean that they go by very fast or that they go by however fast yet more predominantly with characteristics of whatever jhana they are in?) |