Welcome to the DhO, Morgan.
Morgan Gunnarsson:
I had a ‘mystical' experience almost 20 years ago, and have never shared this with any advanced meditator before, and would really appreciate some guidance.
...By studying the jhanas I became aware of the sensations (vedana) in my body, because the jhana concentration reinforced the experience of them. I explored the sensations while in jhana and after some time I also found bhanga/dissolution. It was somewhat frightening the first few times. After a couple of years of meditation I got what a mysticism researcher maybe would call a ‘deep mystical experience’.
Strictly speaking, sensations are NOT
vedana (the aggregate of "feeling" that Gotama spoke of). Sensations are just sensations.
Vedana is your affective response toward the sensation (pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral). It is often best to maintain a clear idea of the definitions of the terms one is using to describe their experience. Without this, one can fall into a delusion (or at the very least "wrong view") about what they experience.
Morgan Gunnarsson:
From 4th jhana I reached bhanga, and after 20-30 min the sounds from the street outside suddenly started to fade away, and with that fading I was drawn into a new state. The hearing was virtually turned off and I experienced myself as a non-visual point in an infinitely extended black space. The experience of ‘self’ was suddenly more vague, but there was still a duality – a self and a space where the self ‘floated’. After just a few seconds, that state too collapsed, and both space and self disappeared...
I find it difficult to respond to this because of the use of one of the words in your statement. Are you sure about your use of the word "bhanga"? Is that really the word you wish to use?
"Bhanga, or
Bhang, is a narcotic (cannabis sativa) used in India to assist divination and produce ecstatic states. The substance, according to the Atharva Veda 9. 6. 15, it is one of the five kingdoms of plants ruled by Soma. A.G.H." — Bowker, John, The Oxford Dictionary of World Religions, New York, Oxford University Press, 1997, p. 142
Or, did you perhaps mean to say "bhavanga"? Which means: "
Bhavanga (Pali, "ground of becoming") is the most fundamental aspect of mind in Theravada Buddhism. It is an exclusively Theravada doctrine that differs from Sarvastivadin and Sautrantika theories of mind, and has been compared to the Mahayana concept of store-consciousness." — Wikipedia
Aside from this question surrounding the use of words, the experience described here sounds like a 4th jhana experience coupled with something else. That "something else" might have been an experience of the deepening of concentration to the point of the diminishment of sound and a feeling (not
vedana) or perception of an alteration of self within space. With deep moments of concentration, this perception (this "something else") is not an unusual experience for many meditators. It helps to provide insight, sometimes now, sometimes later on in the journey. It all depends on when one is ready to come to a different impression (realization) of the experience of the reality they have become accustomed (conditioned) to seeing, and whether or not they can connect the dots they've been given from the Dhamma (eg. the three characteristics, dependent co-arising, the five clinging aggregates etc.).
Morgan Gunnarsson:
What remained were an anonymous existence and a deep/infinite calm, plus a vague knowing of breathing. I can’t remember if the state disappeared by itself or if I opened my eyes after a while.
That first ("a deep/infinite calm, plus a vague knowing of breathing")
does sound like the 4th jhana. And the second ("I can't remember if the state disappeared by iself or...") is likely due to a lack of enough
sati (mindfulness) at that moment. Mindfulness often goes together with "clear seeing" or "clear comprehension" (
sampajanna). That's why the two words are so often found used together in various writings as:
sati-sampajanna or mindfulness and clear comprehension.
Morgan Gunnarsson:
I was 16 or 17, had no teacher or literature to consult, and understood that no one around me would understand or even believe me. I stopped meditating after a few months, but have never stopped thinking about the experience, that still influences my perspective today... What was that experience?
I thought it might had been a higher jhana and learned the 6th and 7th jhana with the help of a book, but the jhana experiences turned out to be something completely different. Since there were two new states I had experienced that night almost 20 years ago, and none of them seemed to be jhana 1-7, then at least not the 2nd state could have been the 8th jhana, I reasoned. Even though jhana and bhanga perhaps for the beginner can feel like a different world, it is after all quite ‘flat’ experiences with an apparent duality. What I experienced was something very different, where the whole reality seemed altered.
I totally understand that success on the path is measured in equanimity and personal development, and not in experiences, but I really need someone to explain. What do you think guys?
It was what it was, and your affective response to it was what it was. That's all. Nothing to get all excited about, yet also something to be kept in mind as one makes progress on the path. The mind can play some very heavy tricks on one if one is not mindful enough to spot these tricks when they are happening. Keep practicing.
It has often been said before that meditation is only one tool among many tools used by Gotama to assist people in the activity of being able to "see things as they are." Never forget that meditation is only a tool. A tool to help assist the mind in discerning the same truths that Gotama pointed out in his Dhamma. That tool helps people develop stronger concentration (and hopefully mindfulness) which helps in clearer discernment of
dhammas (phenomena).