I am happy to report that my ontological, existential sense of 'being' was extinguished at the very core on August 7th 2012.
'Me' at the very core was extinguished.
I consider this to be the equivalent of "actual freedom", but there are only a few things that Richard reports that I can relate to, namely:
- the idea that there is no suffering in the actual world (I only meet flesh and blood bodies)
- the idea that I have been here all along, having a ball (check)
- no being, or 'sense of being/existence' whatsoever
- durationless moment
Other than that,I don't have an experience of the infinitude of the universe.
Other than that, the passions don't drive me, I don't drive the passions, there is no me, no passions etc.
It's odd because, I cannot locate any feelings, yet there is a giddy sense of thrill that accompanies me.
There is no, for example, existential angst, that had accompanied for more than three years, which was the equivalent of the 'sense of being'.
Affectless affect, I think Justine wrote that, I can relate to that.
Anyways I'm pretty sure this is irrevocable, as there is no 'me' whatsoever within this flesh and blood body.
Still pretty much the same guy, um, just that the puny little 'I' was in the way all the time, ruining the experience for 'him'.
Highly recommended.
10/10
I had been practicing the attentiveness to my (both) psychic and psychological experience for the past few days, pretty consistently.
However I must stress, that this practice (garnered from Richards: "Attentiveness, Sensuousness and Apperceptiveness" article) did nothing for the final leap into oblivion.
I was lying in bed, fully dissatisfied with myself for having procrastinated for so 'long', always avoiding 'now', and this 'moment', when I spontaneously and avolitionally started heading toward extinction.
I had done this in the past and, the whole process is scary and thrilling, but for me I usually chicken out before it actually gets anywhere.
Anywho, I kept doing it, and then I reached the point where the passion of aggression (in all its primality) urged me to perform acts of unspeakable aggression.
All the while I was being attentive to the experience, then the intellect, and this body, made a smart decision to once and for all cut the passions down to size, as they were no longer of use, 'I' was deleted forever.
Ever since then the intellect and this body have been operating of their own accord without that bully that was 'me' to have 'myself' do things that were totally unsensible.
Cheers.
As for other things like: "Does God exist?", "Is there life after death?" and all these questions, the extinction of this identity grants me no insight into such matters.
I am unable to ontologically or empirically establish, or otherwise prove, the existence of God, or the non-existence of God, or the existence of life after death, or the non-existence of life after death.
And everyone should recognize the nature of this logic (I believe this type of position is called "permanent agnosticism").
I'll leave you with a quote:
Often people who do not read what I have to say with both eyes gain the impression that I am suggesting that people are to stop feeling ... which I am not. My whole point is to cease ‘being’ – psychologically and psychically self-immolate – which means that the entire psyche itself is extirpated. That is, the biological instinctual package handed out by blind nature is deleted like a computer software programme (but with no ‘Recycle Bin’ to retrieve it from) so that the affective faculty is no more. Then – and only then – are there no feelings ... as in a pure consciousness experience (PCE) where, with the self in abeyance, the feelings play no part at all. However, in a PCE the feelings – passion and calenture – can come rushing in, if one is not alert, resulting in the PCE devolving into an altered state of consciousness (ASC) ... complete with a super-self. Indeed, this demonstrates that it is impossible for there to be no feelings whilst there is a self – in this case a Self – thus it is the ‘being’ that has to go first ... not the feelings.