| | Hello everybody,
I'm new on this forum, I started meditation roughly one year ago, without having lot of instructions or techniques about how things should be or shouldn't be, so I experimented a lot by myself, and even if i don't have the feeling that I've made lot of progress, I have been practicing almost every single day. I read MCTB recently and I think I've trouble to know how to apply the maps to my actual meditation practice. Like I've got the feeling that the maps could be applied to my life in general and the way that I feel on a daily basis, but otherwise in meditation I don't really know how, like i try when i meditate to be as neutral as I can toward whatever emotion or feeling or thought arises, and I wouldn't say that there is a lot of changes in my meditations sessions, So I don't know how I could tell " yes today I started my meditation session and felt I was in the dark night area, and i applied the 3C and went straight forward to EQ". So what makes you think that, in a meditation session? Can you give me some concrete examples for me to have some clues of what it is all about? However when I look at my life situation, i have the strong conviction that I am in the Dark night territory, and might be going very slowly into equanimity. I have been depressed for the 3 past years, and that's the reason why I started to meditate, and I felt a lot of really strange things at the time I had just been starting meditation for only one or 2 months, and all of them were related to my cognitive capacities, I had the feeling my brain was kind of frozen sometimes, and that it affected my ability to hear what people were saying, it was affecting as well my speech, like I was constantly looking for the right words and couldn't find them when I was talking, and my concentration wasn't really efficient as well, and I was getting tired really quickly. And all of that stuff is a bit better right now, I kinda learned how to live and deal with that package even if sometimes I still get caught a bit by my emotions, so it's still there latent, waiting for me to get pissed off to go out and annoy me more. But I notice I'm in a period of time in my life, when I need to be alone most of the time, and my personnality is quiet variable all the time, I can't say that I'm stable in my life and it's reason that prevents me from moving forward and making projects. Maybe it's just a wrong interpretation of me, I would appreciate if you could give your opinions guys, just to see where I stand and know where i should go and do.
Thanks you for reading =) |