My "spiritual practice" is eclectic. I guess one could say it is a mix of shamanism, Buddhist meditation principles, some dream yoga, and "out-of-body" exploration as documented by Robert Allen Monroe and Thomas Campbell.
I really don't have a set practice that involves meditation. I do meditate when my schedule allows, which unfortunately isn't very often. I have three children, one of which is nine months old, the other of which is autistic. My practice revolves more around contemplating deeper questions while going about daily life, and pondering the nature of reality.
I have had a number of "mystical" things happen to me since beginning my practice about two years ago, so I fear I am unable to really pinpoint something that could be called
the A&P event. I do recall having a particular dream where I was in some kind of void. I saw a big, shining face and heard a voice behind me, shouting at me to "wake up." Things somehow felt a little different after that, though it was well over a year ago.
The past few months, every moment of my existence has been unbearable. Everything feels hostile, causing intense anxiety and even panic attacks. Everything pisses me off, especially at work. The whole idea of having to work for someone else in order to feed my family seems like a cruel injustice. I stay up late into the night fearing for the lives of my children, for whatever reason.
Everything is just so meaningless, so incredibly meaningless. And I can't stand it. My natural state of being is one of deep existential despair and quiet panic. It has affected my marriage and my performance at work.
I will note that my current circumstances aren't very good. My family is poor, I work a minimum-wage job, and we are having trouble even putting food on the table. I will also note that we have pretty much
always been this poor, and yet I have always managed to keep a positive attitude, up until now. I prefer to find happiness in family and spiritual practice. Material things aren't really of much concern.
I could be living on an island paradise and be unable to enjoy it. This despair arises from within. External circumstances can't touch it.
Once in a while, I find the willpower to "push through." If I can just take some time, maybe even five minutes, to sit down and examine the feelings of despair and anxiety, it sort of moves through my awareness and dissipates. The nausea and physical discomfort associated with my troubled psyche morph into this warm goo that spreads through my entire body.
Everything is fine after that, at least for a while. I'm not completely chill and mellow like I would expect with Equanimity, though I have had times like that lately, where everything is just cool. But it's only a matter of time before the bottom falls out again.
Tonight I'm going to put on a pot of coffee and do a marathon noting session. I'm afraid the only time I have to meditate is when everyone else is asleep, assuming my daughter decides to sleep.

I guess I'm just looking for some input here. How can someone with an eclectic spiritual practice move through this phase efficiently? I really am all over the place. One week I'll do some zazen, the next week I'll contemplate some channeled material such as Seth, maybe do some "astral projecting" the week after that, and let's not forget the chakra meditation...
I read an account written by an Inuit shaman, when he was trying to become a shaman. He took to the solitude of the wilderness and soon experienced Dark Night sypmtoms. But before the day was over, he was overcome by joy, and found his "divine light." The lucky bastard seems to have made it through in less than a day. Perhaps I should move to the Canadian arctic and spend some time alone.