Firstly, Just wanted to say what a great site this is. Ive been going through lots of the discussions and im very inspired by what i read. Its great too see serious discussions about meditation/Buddhism without the fluff!
Some practice background:
Ive been sitting for roughly 3 years:
1st year - any technique just to make me sit (mantra etc) usually for short periods of 10 to 15 mins, going through regular sitting phases and then seeing it dropping off for a few weeks. Went to various different centres around London trying to suss it out.
2nd year - Discovered Zazaen and something clicked in me (along with realising that you have to be regular!) and started sitting roughly twice a day for total of 40 mins.
3rd year - Twice a day zazen usually for total of 50 mins, sometimes more on the weekend (Ive started sitting 3x 25 mins when i can, or, along with my morning 25 min sit, Im sitting for 50 mins in the evening)
Ive done a few weekend retreats, and have got 10 day silent retreat this July (led by Stephen Batchelor).
My practice has become more serious over the last 3/4 months since my grandfather started coming to end of his battle with cancer (he's in a hospice at the moment). Seeing him deteriorate brought the urgency of my practice to light and has generally put things in perspective for me. (Ive finally admitted, for example, that Ive got a problem with drink and drugs and have started to seriously tackle it;. Its funny, you don't realise if you have problem if your occasional and functional, but thats another post…!). I think also that, after much reading, im starting to come to my own understanding abbot Buddhism (well, i admit that i know nothing now, which is a great start!

However, Ive found that on and off over the last year I've been having doubts about my practice (especially the last few weeks), such as 'am i doing it right' etc and that im struggling to get any guidance. I sit with a group, which are great, but its very hands off in terms of technique, guidance, progression etc as is the zen fashion!
My practice has improved immensely (I couldn't sit still for 5 minutes before!) and I've had a few amazing experiences, especially recently, where Im able to drop my mental chatter for longer, which produces this expansive feeling (maybe even a merging with my environment - not sure how to explain it really); just as i get there though my mind snaps back in with an observation. I try not to get attached to good or bad in practice, but its hard and frustrating sometimes! (I want to progress but don't want to admit it, or let that desire 'spoil' my practice, if that makes sense?) Ive also been feeling more 'aware' very recently, while i go about my day to day life, like everything is sharper somehow.
However, I think that more light has been thrown on my questions about practice since I started back at college (studying Psychology) and found that, contrary to my expectations, my concentration is pretty bad. I was hoping my meditation would have helped with my studies but my wandering, unfocused, mind has thrown more doubt into the mix!
Having found this forum and feel inspired (ive just ordered MCT

, but its produced more questions about what im doing in my practice and whether i need to adopt a few different techniques.
Im not sure where im aiming with my practice (I dont think Id even thought about it till i came across this site about a month ago!), all i know what i love sitting and it helps me immensely (my relationships have improved, im calmer, less aggressive…).
Having read through this I can see more than a few questions (!), but I'd appreciate any thoughts or comments about anything here. If I should expand on any of the above then please let me know

Cheers, j
N.B. I live in London, if anyone is in that part of the world?