do i know:very often i cannot confidently answer haietmoba i.e. i cannot see how i am feeling. i am denying the feeling or fighting it and its very hard to just feel.
I think I see what your coming from. For me, the difficult in seeing feelings part was what I called in another thread "the guardians at the gates": shame, pride and guilt are identity-produced feelings that come from some kind of belief.
For example:
- Feeling superior causes pride ("I'm pretty good on this, this feeling can't be true")
- Feeling inferior causes shame ("Wow, I'm so lame that I feeling this")
- Taking business too serious causes guilt ("All this sucks, it's all my fault!")
Those feelings lead to repression, despair, or evasion, and therefore I was disabled to begin with the sincere investigation of the feeling in question.
My advice would be: try to find if there are some of these feelings (or meta-feelings) blocking you and why (identity wise).
do i know:now what i think may be a solution is trying to develop attentiveness( which as i understand it is observing how i am experiencing this moment equanimously) without necessarily trying to change the way i feel.
I think I've had a similar problem. What I think could help you is that you analyze how are you analyzing your experience and relation to people, things and events.
Is your judgement coming from morals/ethics or from distinguishing between fact and belief? Try to emphasize the latter approach in order to finally see the silliness/futility of having to feel this or that way in the first place. This way, the effort that takes you to "change the way you feel" will be significantly less and less as you progress.
Hope this helps somehow.
Regards,
Felipe