Thank you so much for writing and for taking the time to do so, Tommy M.
Tommy M:
Hi ATM,
When you say "noting as instructed", what do you mean? You mention watching the expansion/contraction of the breath, but are you looking at any of the other sensations that happen before, after or along with the breath? Are you actually noting individual aspects of the breath, for example observing the point where the in-breath becomes the out-breath and the pattern of sensations involved in that process? Or are you just noting the overall movement of the breath, i.e. expansion/contraction?
I start off the session just focusing on the crude movement, which progressively leads to focusing on the more subtle details, as well how the breath elicits movement all the way to the pelvic diaphragm. During this concentration aspect, I have notice breaks, pauses between the inhalation/exhalation. I note that and go back to the movement. Often during this pause, other "things" pop up... pleasure, a sound, a heartbeat, a thought, an itch, etc. and often more than one. I note. And go back to the breath. Each time going back seems to allow myself to break down the subtle nuances of the breath, mostly because I think my concentration is improving? That said, I do not get caught up in "thinking" about the breath... well, maybe I have at moments due to my interest in anatomy, but when I realize I'm doing this, I make note of it and go back.
Watching the expansion/contraction of the breath sounds like you're focusing on the abdomen or chest as the breath happens, which leads me to suspect that you may actually be doing concentration practice rather than full-on noting. I could be wrong and it could just be down to the words we're using to describe the same thing, but I'd say that focusing on the expansion/contraction would lead to attention being fixed on one area of the body. Following the inhale/exhale - as in the physical and mental sensations involved such as the length of the breath, depth, location within the body, coarseness and smoothness of each breath and all the increasingly subtle aspects of that process - causes you to focus on the breath as a (seemingly) unified movement which is then, via noting/vipassana/bare attention, broken down into its constituent parts so that insight into the Three Characteristics can be developed. If you're just looking at the sensations and focusing on them superficially, you're doing concentration; insight requires attention to the 3C's - impermanence, non-self and suffering - which is why I've questioned what you've described so far.
I would say that I have observed the impermanence and non-self (to some degree at least), the latter to a smaller degree though. Suffering, from a theoretical and philosophical standpoint, I can understand, but no I do not think I can say that my rookie-league meditation has me there just yet.
As far as breaking the breath down, I can say that sometimes it seems like "Whoa, there is a lot going on here!" I've had to tell myself to chill out and do what I can without stressing or slacking either.
[quote=] Based on your description here, I can say for certain that this was not a Fruition or a Path moment.
In phenomenological terms, what actually happened when "everything went poof...gone"? You were obviously still aware of this happening otherwise you wouldn't have been able to ascertain whether or not "nothing existed" and so we can safely write off any experiencing of emptiness, so what
appeared to be aware of this occurring? What sorts of sensation we you actually aware of at the time, and afterwards? What happened in your practice after this occurred?
It seemed as if I didn't exist but then I was conscious of that and then whatever was happening ended. During it, there was nothing... or at least that's how I felt about it right afterward. Almost like the light went back on and then I can say, "whoa that was dark!" but I only became cognizant of this after-the-fact. I don't know. It was weird and I never experienced that before. Before I knew anything of concentration and noting practices I've had moments of full-on pleasure during meditation where my energy buzzed through my all (which is easily elicited at will now). Had "visions" at times, whatever that means. Other times experiences that felt like magnetic force of some sort moving through me, even to the point were this "wave", moving from the base of my spine to my head, actually induced a slow, rhythmical, snake-light movement that I was not consciously controlling. And even (and I feel a bit embarrassed to say this) intense feelings of sexual pleasure (including orgasm) during meditation. But the reason I wrote today, that is brand new and weirded me out a bit, even though it is probably not that big of a deal.
[quote=] It sounds likely to have been jhana-related, by which I mean related to concentration states, but without knowing more about your practice history and meditative background it's nigh on impossible to say with any certainty.
I really just started following the instructions in Mahasi's writings a couple of months ago. Before this, I spent years practicing internal martial arts, so meditation of some sort has usually been a part of life in some way shape or form. But I am very much a rookie in the realm of insight, no doubt.
[quote=] It sounds like you've got some good concentration skills, but it'd be good to know more about the specifics of what you're doing while practicing Mahasi-style noting.
I try to start the session simple and then as my concentration improves I note as much as I can. Anything that arises I note. Then I go back to the breath. If I have to move (or want to move) I note that desire. If I'm going to move, I note the intention, then focus on the movement in a manner similar to the breath, and try to break down the subtleties (I'm not very good at this, although tai chi practice in my past helps with this), and then go back to the breath, again trying to break that down into as many small frames as possible.
Thank you again for your responses Tommy. I really appreciate it.