Hello!
[sorry for the grammar mistakes, english is not my native]
I'm a total beginner in meditation, I'm also total fail at persistence and regularity.
I started to meditate probably around 7 years ago (now I'm 24), but still it's hard for me to sit still for 20 minutes a day, despite a long periods of free time. I'm successful maybe 2 times per month. Most of the times I don't even start.
I probably have self-diagnosed 'light' ADHD-I , but the doctor says I'm ok.
My mind wanders constantly, as I wrote here
Truth Strike forums and I got banned for that post.
Sooo... that was my introduction, and now the main subject of this thread - Awareness Watching Awareness technique
- are you familiar with it?
instruction:
http://albigen.com/uarelove/most_rapid/chapter07.aspxand here's full site
http://albigen.com/uarelove/Here are my 'colorized' and for sure immature reflections about it:
Generally speaking, this simple RECURSIVE techique can do magic with your consciousness, literally widening field of your awareness.
The room you're in right now is part of your awareness. You must to have a map of it in your mind to know which way is the toilet. But most of the time you are unconcious of the fact that the room, the surroundings are mapped in your awareness.
The same with senses, feelings, pain, pleasure. It's all encoded in the spectrum of your awareness. But the curious thing is that this awareness is not really yours. 'Belong' is just a concept.
Awareness 'can' be aware (nope, it can't be aware. awareness just is. I just 'personified' the awareness because it's easier to explain like that) and 'must' be aware simply of everything this mind is experiencing, and among all those 'things' is your person, persona, psyche, character, ego, self, soul, you.
You can experience yourself, but only INDIRECTLY. You cannot directly experience yourself, it's impossible.
You can experience yourself only through the agency of the awareness. Actually, that's not true also.
'You' exist as a part of the full spectrum of an actual experience. And on the surface of awareness you are a tool. Tool. Function. Important one, of course. But only a tool. Flesh, bones and electric current.
But I've lost my train of thought.
Anyway, the technique can be called a form of meditation in which you're focusing on being aware of being aware.
As you practise, your gonna be more and more conscious of the things you are aware of.
The first goal is to get enlightened (and getting 'enlightened' for me is to really notice the 'characteristic' of out reality called 'Anatta').
I suppose 1 year of daily 30min practice is enough, hopefully.
Correct me if I'm wrong in all of this, because I obviously may be

I'm totally tangled with my thoughts, I would appreciate any help.