Upāsaka Buddha Vaṃsa:
OK guys, what do you make of this? From my journal:
Today is the first day of retreat at Ven. S.'s monastery. I had a short interview with him this morning, and was surprised that he didn't ask me anything about my background, practice etc. He just wanted to chat about meditation in general. I got the feeling he was very detached, and not very enthusiastic about teaching me meditation. So I just went on with my practice as usual, maybe a bit more intensely because the lack of distractions (no Internet).
(2-3 days later . . . )
First during concentration, I felt a pressure on my nose, as if someone were pressing it with a finger. Of course, no one was there; it was an energy phenomenon. Normally our habitual discursive thinking pulls energy out of the 6th (third eye) chakra; in the higher states of meditation, the energy flows into the third eye.
There are various methods for accomplishing this change. I used one of them to switch the direction of energy flow, and was rewarded with brilliant lights and an intense feeling of bliss. Now the energy illuminated the ‘upper room’, the highest chakra of the thousand-petalled lotus at the top of the head. I could feel it from the inside. I found a way to direct the energy to the center of the crown chakra, pushed up against it, and it suddenly opened.
I felt the energy rush through the opening; I was pulled along with it. As I rose up and up above my head, I saw a vision of a Bo tree with a strong straight trunk and lush greenery, planted firmly in the center of the crown chakra. The roots went down into the ordinary mind, and were nourished by the water of purified thoughts. The trunk was the first four jhānas; and the branches, leaves, flowers and fruits were the higher jhānas. A pair of strong lions guarded the base of the tree.
I went high up in the branches and foliage of the tree and there was a beautiful temple made of luminous jewels. A white Buddha image was floating there. I went in and offered him a lamp by making a flame of light arise in my joined palms. I made an intention that the flame of that lamp should be eternal, and left it there burning in the temple before the Buddha. Then I went out to enjoy the each of the branches, leaves, flowers and fruits of the higher jhānas, as well as the beautiful multicolored birds of ecstasy that roost there, freed from all cares.
I never reported this incident to Ven. S., as we never did establish enough rapport for me to feel comfortable to reveal that level of detail of my practice. I stayed there about two weeks, but he remained disinterested. I didn't push, but continued my practice and then went back to my home temple in the mountains.
After this I lost interest in pursuing detailed investigation of the jhānas as I had planned. It's significant that I experienced a point of view external to the jhānas, and could clearly see them as conditioned states. I felt that I had access to all of the jhānas, and just to confirm it I did try to attain some of the higher jhānas, and was rewarded with an experience of Unbounded Space/Consciousness. However none of these were very stable.
I did make a big decision, though, to remove my online presence, give up any attempt to teach, and dedicate myself completely to practice. However, for a few days after returning to my home monastery I had some aversion to sitting. I felt I needed to sort some things out. It took me about a week to feel comfortable about sitting again. Even then, I began very gingerly and instead of making any efforts, felt comfortable 'just being'. I still got symptoms of concentration such as bright lights, but have come to regard that as normal.
So what do you think?
It's difficult for me to evaluate your progress, because it's unclear what you're trying to do.
For starters, it might be helpful if you defined what you mean by "jhana", as what you describe here sounds nothing like any jhana I've heard of or encountered (aside from the brief mention of bliss). This in itself is uninteresting and unsurprising, as there seem to be as many definitions of "jhana" as there are teachers of it. But without knowing more about your practice, your definitions, and what you're attempting to accomplish, it's difficult if not impossible to offer constructive feedback.
In general, it seems like an error not to discuss these things with your teacher. Presumably your teacher was giving you meditation instructions and would be in the best position to evaluate the result of those instructions. Of course, sometimes this isn't always possible, either because of personality conflict, language barrier, time constraints, and the like. But all other things being equal, he probably would have been the best one to evaluate your results.
It's possible - as the commenter above intimates - that you may have entered into Arising & Passing territory, but without knowing what you were doing, it's hard to confirm or deny that claim. Visions, lights, aversion, craving, and the like are common no matter what sort of meditation practice you're doing. We all go through natural cycles of this stuff. I hesitate to attribute any real significance to it - though that doesn't mean it's not significant.