Zendo Calrissian:
So I've suspected I was in A&P for about a week now. I've been able to go deeper than before almost effortlessly. Before last week I could sort of reliably attain the 2nd Samatha Jhana. Now I hit the 4th every time I'm on the cushion whether I want to or not (even noting or body-sweeping). Lots of colors, geometric shapes and a crap load of white light. Once I even hit the 5th. Shit got really weird but afterwards I had a clarity of mind that I have never experienced before that lasted for hours. It was astonishing.
Anyway, last night I went to a Tai Chi class and before the class I was stretching in front of a mirror. I started noticing reality strobing and vibrating in my peripherals. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I became pixilated and began to vanish. I knew what was happening but as class was about to begin I didn't want to get into this altered state while interacting with people so I sort of resolved to not let it happen. Things stayed strange for a while but slowly settled down and I was able to complete the class.
So I'm wondering 1. Is that it? Now I'm headed to DN? 2. Did I kick the can down the road and It will recur? 3. This was not the A&P all? 4. All of the above?
In my experience, I hit what I took to be A&P while on retreat, in the zendo. But because I was surrounded by people, there was an element of fear and being self-conscious. So afterwards, it definitely felt like an A&P event but perhaps something missing.
A week or so later, while meditating alone in my house, I had a repeat experience, similar to before, but this time no holding back, and a lot of more intense.
So in my case, I think I might have "willed" the A&P away initially, but I wouldn't say it stopped, just that it wasn't fully expressed. Obviously this is just my experience and it isn't necessarily true that it will apply to you, though I get the sense from what you say that there could be "more in the bank", but then again I wouldn't worry or set up up the expectation of looking for it. You could take the position that whatever needs to be expressed will find its way out (and might already have).