Author: yadidb
On the here-and-now side of things, many relative benefits were achieved by this retreat, such as that when certain dukkha starts, and the aversion towards that dukkha also starts, which basically perpetuates it, it is seen clearly and stops, and then, though dukkha remains, I am able to observe it a bit more clearly and react less to it, and that decreases a certain aspect of that suffering.
Doubts creep in quite alot, though once attention is paid to them they are also seen as they are and vanish, dukkha remaining..
Equanimity in daily life certainly increased, though life's challenges are obviously still hard, such as the coming exams, courseworks, and being in a relationship - hopefully I'll do better at applying what I've learnt to the challenges ahead.
Due to the intensity of this retreat, which is fading slowly, sleep need is still very much low (4 hours in the past 24 hours)
I also thought i'd add that during that whole intensive body melting into vibrations experience, the mind was very agitated (in hind-sight, since that so-cool-happiness is so passing though just impossible not to cling to),seeking the cessation of everything, and the body seemed to fidgid and move involuntarily, though this might have been an internal experience only and not have occured if someone watched my body while i was sitting.
In regards to the teacher's comment about long courses - I really appreciate this lady, and she has answered my questions with much patience and direct replies which focus on here and now practice which is what she values most. She said that for longer retreats one must have complete confidence in the teacher and his method, since that provides a protective enviourment for the meditator - makes sense to me, though I'm not sure that will be possible with me and this tradition at this stage.
and now, I ask you, my fellow investigators, what the hell is going on?