I hope I haven't derailed your practice log, Tom Tom! I really didn't think anything I said in that original post pertained to Actualism, that's why I said, "back to Actualism for me!" at the end, haha. In my post, I was trying to point to a few of the things that seemed to be in conflict for you.
It's okay, I'm the one that derailed it, but now I'm putting it back on track.
For example, you mentioned a kind of loneliness that comes from realization, and a difficulty explaining your personal discoveries with people like your girlfriend (if I'm mixing you and Florian up, lol, sorry about that...). You also mentioned you believe there is a "warp" blocking you from seeing things clearly. I was trying to point out that that, itself, could be the warp. As the zen masters say, there is no realization, no attainment, etc. Zen koans are always asking, "if there's nothing to do, what is enlightenment, exactly?"
I understand and appreciate the Zen perspective, but for the most part I have operated within the Theravada/vipassana and MCTB paradigm where there is something to do and to obtain and that effort will take you to that goal. It's worked well so far, and seems to still be working, so that is where I am primarily operating from in my practice.
Consider this, does a grandmother feel separate from her grandchildren or lonely when she's around them? They obviously can't understand her point of view, but she is still perfectly content. If you believe your attainment has elevated you to a higher understanding than what other people have, then it will probably make you feel lonely. If, instead, you realize your attainment has decreased your suffering - and that's the only thing that makes it worthwhile - then there will be no temptation to see it as anything special.
A grandmother still teaches her grandchildren about the world and helps them to grow into well-functioning children and adults. Sure, she is content when she is around them, but this does not negate the natural process of helping them to grow and evolve. If a child asks a complex question that he/she would not be able to fully understand, the adult usually explains it in a way that they might be able to make sense of, but is incomplete in some way. (Analogously to dharma/"spirituality") I currently tend to lack this ability, to an extent, and would be likely to try to explain it to the "child" the same way I might explain it to an adult. I don't have aspergers or autism, at all, by the way.
Also, I'm not sure about the analogy of comparing other grown adults to children. I think that could create some patronizing attitude in some way. Perhaps this is also responsible for why I tend to circumvent child-like explanations for things. I would actually prefer to think of it as using alternative concepts rather than "dumbing-down" concepts.
To be enlightened is to see the extraordinary within the ordinary, don't you think? If you're trying to break through something, you're going to be looking at the ordinary and saying, "this is all ordinary, it can't be enlightenment yet. So, all I'm trying to say is, the warp itself is probably the warp. The idea that you aren't there yet is probably what's causing you not to be there yet. Self is not separate from phenomena in Buddhist dogma - there is nothing to look for!
I didn't do any practice for almost two years until now and that did not cause any significant progress beyond what I already had.
I feel like if this were the case I would have lost all remaining sense of agency by now. Just a little bit of sitting has significantly reduced the remaining sense of agency, so doing "something" seems to be working better than not doing anything. However, even if that "something" is just sitting.
I feel like just saying "I'm done" and really believing it doesn't and won't make me done. Only when I reach some kind of permanent path-type-shift which permanently ends all agency forever will I be done. This also may have to do with my natural propensity toward the goal-oriented type of practices.