The idea of soulmates drove a very difficult time in my life, I suspect it was a key belief I didn't want to let go of after A+P, which relied on the belief in a separate self known as 'me', which lead me to fight the teachings that the dark night had to offer. For me I had to attempt clinging to both of the ideas and trying to find that happiness I thought might be possible, happiness through finding the perfect partner who would make everything alright, in order to move beyond it.
It's one thing being told to kill the myth, its one thing knowing that you want to kill the myth, but if it's there it's there and the desire for it not to be there will only cause a tremendous amount of suffering. At times I found myself also thinking things like wanting to die, but from my perspective now the thing I wanted to kill was actually the egocentric self image I was attached to, ironic because I was clinging to it myself.
Now it's one thing for me to say that, perhaps none of it is relevant to you, but perhaps it is relevant but knowing it makes no difference? Well things in this life are currently how they currently are, and any attempt to fight it only causes suffering. Allowing things to be how they are on the other hand allows time and space for the study of how things are. Maybe your head is confused, but that which witnesses the thoughts is able to see the confusion and the suffering, untouched by it, and in that seeing your brain has the opportunity to observe and learn. Beliefs can be explored even if they can not be directly changed by the conscious mind, and in time you will either find evidence to back up the belief or evidence that things are in reality a little different.
I do not know what reality you will discover from your perspective. From mine, I found out that I am not a perfect human being, and there are no perfect human beings. I found out that we are all pretty clueless although we all try our best, and it is down to us to take responsibility for our own lives, our own actions, and our own learning and growing. It sounds like you are already doing that, I wish you the best of luck