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Claims to Attainments

So where am I? Good question.

So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 2:09 PM
First of all, I would like to introduce myself. I'm J, and this is my first post. Please forgive me if it is long. I have been reading DhO for a while now, and feel fairly comfortable about sharing with you all here. So where to begin?

As of now, it is difficult to say where I am. I have gone through what has been described here as extremely intense A&P periods several times in my life. Back in the 90’s I did a mixture of my own version of meditation along with some Native American stuff while hanging around them at the time. I was raised Baptist and during that time I was constantly condemning myself because of my incessant desire to explore and practice other spiritual systems. Deep down, even though I denied it back then, I thought that I was losing my soul by betraying my Christian heritage. However, one night when I felt that I was descending into the deepest pits of my own inward hell, I stayed up all night looking into my eyes in the mirror: Something profound happened as the fear grew more and more and I felt that my sense of self was being torn to shreds which finally ended, surprisingly, with a wide, infinite sense of calm where there was no more fear at all. I couldn’t believe it. I had never felt such peace in my whole life. I could tell that I was one with the universe, and that there was nothing to fear anymore, not even death itself.

Unfortunately, the Charismatic Christians that I had gotten to know then were very skeptical about my experiences and began their own campaign of fear trying and unfortunately succeeding to brainwash me into believing that I was demon possessed from all of my activities with other religions. They told me that my great sense of peace was not so much a good thing seeing what led up to it, and that it was most likely a very powerful and evil shamanistic spirit guide protecting me. This started an extended dark night period in my life where I tried to force myself to be a perfect Christian constantly casting demons out of myself and every other rock that I imagined them hiding behind. Finally, I gave up, exhausted with little results. After realizing that some demons just would not go, I got involved in various forms of the occult again ranging from Celtic, Kabbalah, Hinduism, and then finally I turned to Buddhism in a desperate need for clarity. I was also tired of being so hateful and angry.

In May of 2008, I started reading books written by various Buddhist monks from various Buddhist traditions. I made a decision to try and keep the moral precepts as I understood them, to practice universal loving kindness, to practice tranquility concentration, and to begin with determined effort, insight meditation as well. I did very well at developing the concentration jhanas, and can produce all of them very well, very quickly. Also in 2008, I went through what I have seen to be described here as another A&P period. I wouldn’t say it was an event, though, because it lasted a long time. It was so profound and huge that I thought that I was enlightened. It lasted for almost a year in a very intense manner. I still have nothing but a calm peace even when things in my life get very chaotic and stressful, but I have noticed that even the good things about meditation seem to get in the way of my everyday life at times. I have somehow subconsciously developed a method of reaching a completely silent and empty state whenever things seem like they might become overwhelming for me to handle. This is not very convenient when it comes at times where I need to think critically and recall important information from memory. It is as if my mental process completely disappears at times, and there seems to be nothing that I can do about it, either. Everything seems to be an empty, impersonal, undirected process, and sometimes find it difficult or even impossible to establish the much needed process of will power in order to get things accomplished. I make a lot of lists of things that need to be done and remember. I go through those lists checking them off like a programmed algorithm, but sometimes I even quit doing that. At least there is usually a feeling of a wide quiet calm, happiness, and contentment, though.

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 12:52 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
Hi James.
Thanks for telling your story. I'm not qualified to guess at where you are on the maps, as I'm not a particularly advanced yogi, so please take my perspective here with a grain of salt. To me, it sounds like you've developed a great deal of concentration through some fairly arduous practice, but are unsure of where to go from here. Your at-times painful spiritual quest seems to have given you the gift of intense motivation, which you have put to use. (Few people would be willing to stand in front of a mirror all night as you described doing, for example.)
Would it be incorrect to assert that, at times, you get caught up in obsessive thought patterns, particularly when religious themes are part of the content? (De-emphasizing religiosity to the greatest extent possible might be a good way to go, for now.) You did not mention noting practice or doing vipassana. Is that part of your practice now? If not, maybe you'd benefit from turning the powerful concentration you've developed toward vipassana practice as taught in Daniel's Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha and discussed on the Mahasi Noting section of this forum? That might help you see some of the difficult experiences you're going through now in a different and more liberating way.

I don't mean this as a criticism at all--I wish I had a mastery of the concentration jhanas, for example--but it seems like some jhana-junkie stuff might be going on here. If meditation feels like a way of retreating from life rather than making you more present for it, i.e. if you feel like there's a 1-or-0 quality whereby you're either in a state of intense concentration or you're on autopilot, that might be something to look at. If you can keep your mind focused on the present moment or the breath without difficulty, you should be able to attend to a to-do list with just as much focus, although the dark night might be the primary cause of this phenomenon.

Have you read Bhante Gunaratana's Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English? He talks a lot about "right concentration" and "wrong concentration" in there. Just as you should feel energized after a good workout, rather than depleted, mindfulness ought not to leave you feeling wiped out cognitively, methinks. (although, again, you could be dark-nighting it very hard)
Don't know if any of this helps or makes sense.
-Joel

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 2:07 PM as a reply to J Groove.
Thanks for your response J Groove.

I don’t think that it has been so much of an obsession with religious themes as it has been a desperate need to find liberation. Please forgive me if I do not use a lot of Buddhist or Pali words. I usually use what I consider to be English equivalents of them due to my lack of certainty at both spelling and correct meaning. When I say that I have diligently practiced insight meditation the correct interpretation probably should be Vipassana meditation. Yes, I have read Daniel’s book, and have found it to be very insightful, but sometimes it is difficult to recognize what it is exactly that I am going through as there are sometimes quite a bit of overlapping experiences that can be misdiagnosed. I don’t feel drained. I feel much at peace all the time. It’s just that thoughts sometimes vanish at times when critical thinking is expected. It is very peaceful, though. I mostly do the Buddho exercises while concentrating on my abdomen rising and falling seeing each moment as composed of a coming into being of the universe, a being, and a disappearing all happening simultaneously in each frame of reality in this ever changing moment of now. When I focus mainly on the vanishing, I do notice the fear coming, then the misery, the desire for liberation, the equanimity, and then the releasing of the clinging of the equanimity, and then the vanishing of the noticing of the vanishing. This is when I black out. Sometimes this happens very fast, and sometimes it happens when I need to actually be thinking. I am not saying that I have reached any kind of fruition, though, as I have fooled myself in the past not knowing that what I was experiencing was just an extended A&P period.

J

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 2:42 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
Hi James, welcome.

As a tentative answer to the question formulated in the topic, I'd guess you've got some paths, just needing to wrap up the thing.

Maybe you will find the actual freedom stuff interesting? Here are some links:

"A precis of actual freedom"

"This moment of being alive"


Bruno

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 2:48 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
James Eric Barnhouse:
Thanks for your response J Groove.
When I say that I have diligently practiced insight meditation the correct interpretation probably should be Vipassana meditation. J


Nah, man. My mistake--I didn't see your specific reference to insight meditation. Sorry about that...
Sounds like you're in territory that is beyond me--not just simple dark night or jhana junkie stuff. Best of luck!

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 3:03 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
My first impression is also that you have gotten a few paths, at least stream-entry in any case (i think that moment of liberation when you were staring in the mirror might have been it). In any case, this is classic description of going through the stages and attaining to a fruition:

James Eric Barnhouse:
I mostly do the Buddho exercises while concentrating on my abdomen rising and falling seeing each moment as composed of a coming into being of the universe, a being, and a disappearing all happening simultaneously in each frame of reality in this ever changing moment of now. When I focus mainly on the vanishing, I do notice the fear coming, then the misery, the desire for liberation, the equanimity, and then the releasing of the clinging of the equanimity, and then the vanishing of the noticing of the vanishing. This is when I black out. Sometimes this happens very fast, and sometimes it happens when I need to actually be thinking.


The italics are a wonderful and concise description of Vipassana. though the way that tarin put it was: "the practice of noting [a Vipassana technique] is the practice of noticing a particular process, namely, that of the arising of an object and the knowing of it, and the passing of the object and the knowing of it."

the bolded words, if your descriptions are accurate, show a clear-cut progression through the cycles.

My first few days after stream entry I would get fruitions just when talking to people, and only notice after the fact, and I suppose it could be a bit distracting as your mind and body are jolted a bit by it.

They also aren't always that noticeable... during daily life I'd only notice slightly after the fact, by noticing that there was some kind of gap, and a bit of bliss following it. Maybe you can try ramping up your concentration during a sit, focusing on one of the Three Characteristics, and see if you can observe which door you're going through into fruition? Perhaps a few sits of purposefully trying to go into the fruition and understanding it as such might help to control it during your daily life.

What do you want to do now, by the way? What's your goal? You said what you have been doing but not what goal you had in mind.

James Eric Barnhouse:
After realizing that some demons just would not go...

apparently one can make all ones demons disappear, according to the reports of the Actually Free. though i can see why the approach advocated by the Charismatic Christians would not work.

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 5:31 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
Hey James,

I won't waste your time with trying to suggest where you are in terms of Paths, there's some similarities between where you've come from and my own background so here's a few things I'd suggest which might help:

1. Don't try figuring out where you are based on past experiences. You may very well be able to find seamless correlation between the kabbalistic maps and those of the Theravada, personally the whole matter just confused me and wasted time I could have spent on practice. There's a lot of things which will line up nicely e.g. Da'ath and the Abyss can be mapped to Dark Night, Tiphareth sits nicely with the A&P, but a lot of other things which seem miles off e.g. I find it difficult to map sephirah such as Geburah or Chesed without considerable work and there are differences which just do not fit.

2. Get a grip on the basics of the terminology used most commonly on here as it will increase your ability to communicate your experience in more mutually understandable terms. This helps if you're trying to get an opinion on where you are and anything Path related. Posting some practice notes is really useful too 'cause then it's easier to get people with more experience with this particular system to provide advice, or an opinion.

The last paragraph of your first posting seems quite confusing, you indicate that you've practised vipassana so you would have come across these stages naturally. This leads me to suspect that you may have begun practice in Wisdom, but that you stopped for a fairly lengthy period due to the apparent length of your A&P experience, if indeed that's what it was. This is only an opinion so feel free to disregard it but I'd rather be honest with you than blow smoke up your arse. You may very well have attained enlightenment, maybe not and only time, and integration of these insights will tell. Only you'll know this for sure, but it sounds like you're still searching.

I also get that, although you speak of being constantly peaceful, there still considerable suffering going on at a fundamental level. The list-making comment and, going by your exploration of various systems, your ferverent adherence to your previous religious commitments and other factors in your story, suggests to me that you have some psychological stuff which may need to be examined before delving into insight. Then again, if your concentration is as strong as you suggest then that provides a wonderful platform to examine these issues from so go for it, if you feel that's what you want to do.

There's also the possibility that you're suffering from some form of depression, or maybe going through a heavy Re-observation stage, as the feeling of "emptiness" in the no-self sense is neither here nor there. I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago and find that my experience of similar feelings of dissociation, which require a self, and is what your description sounds like, and the experience of there being no-self feel very different in daily life. Again, all of this is opinion and I'm not remotely qualified to make a medical, or even dharma, diagnosis so don't think I speak from some position of authority. I'm only basing my words on what you've said, and my own experience of similar feelings.

What you're saying sounds very much like you're detaching from reality, seeking refuge in this empty space which you will find is a thinly veiled sense of a self, which is contrary to what you say you want to do, in this case vipassana. If you want to get insight then you need to examine those feelings of peace, the balance, the happiness, the equanimity, look at the sensations, the Three Characteristics. Only then will you get insight into where you are, anything other than this just isn't insight at a fundamental level.

Basically, look at what's going on right now at a sensory level. If you want to pursue the AF and PCE route then it's up to you, there's plenty of resources on this site and elsewhere with plenty of knowledgeable and helpful practitioners who can help.

I hope you find what you're looking for, take care of yourself and hopefully we'll see you more often on the DhO!

Tommy

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 7:29 PM as a reply to Tommy M.
Hi Tommy M,

I appreciate what you have said. I have given up the other religious systems such as the Kabbalah. It can be very confusing filled with too much content and intricate symbolism, which to me was a major distraction in the first place. I think a lot of my mind going blank is just a bad brain. I am going through a lot of mental challenges at school which may be more than I am capable of handling. I started this degree that I am currently trying to obtain when I had a lot more ego needs than I do now. The university, making me think too much, is very stressful on my mental capacities at times, and apparently I have subconsciously formed a triggered jhana-creating defense mechanism of some sort that I might very well need to figure out how to deprogram in public situations such as test taking, at least that’s how it was last semester. This semester might be different, though. Things seem to be going a little more smoothly this time around. I have had depression in the past, but for the most part, I am usually fairly content, now. I am unfamiliar with AF and PCE. I will have to look up what they stand for. I always notice the three characteristics in everything, especially with what occurs with my physical and mental senses. I usually gravitate towards the no-real-localized-self notion, and that is where I have found most of my tunneling and blipping out experiences if that helps. I do not see anything as really being separate from the universe.

James

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 8:19 PM as a reply to Bruno Loff.
Hi Bruno,

I see now what AF and PCE are. Very good reading you gave me. I can see how actualizing these things into words is a very wise thing to do. I have a lot of learning to do on my slowly reaching plate towards the food.

James

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/1/11 8:59 PM as a reply to Beoman Claudiu Dragon Emu Fire Golem.
Hi Beoman,

Right now, I don’t have any plans. I’m not sure what kind of goal I should be making as far as what we are talking about goes. Every day I have the personal goal of practicing insight meditation for at least an hour when I wake up and an hour just before I go to sleep. Throughout my days, I have been trying to get my education out of the way. It is very demanding. I like to help people anyway that they need help on a one on one basis if I have the time and if anyone comes along. I don’t make too many grandiose plans anymore, though. They usually end up being too unwieldy, unpractical, and they don’t really match my way of doing things, anymore. I’m not saying this as someone trying to be humble, either. I really am humble, whether that is a good thing or not in a worldly sense. I tend to be better as an introvert I guess is what I am trying to express. I have no idea what kind of goals that I should make to be perfectly honest with you. Most of the time, I just take things as they come.

James

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 10:24 AM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
A number of people on this forum have concluded that AF is a very worthwhile goal, and the best possible definition of "getting it done." A few already went ahead and did it (Tarin, Trent, Stephanie, Chris), and a few are working towards increasing that number emoticon

One great thing about AF is how it manages, in one elegant whisk, to sweep aside things such as faith, dogmas, linguistic imprecisions, hand-holding, sainthoods, gurudoms, "accepting things as they are," "I am not my body," ..., and other spiritual bullshit.


Take care,
Bruno

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 11:06 AM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
James Eric Barnhouse:
Right now, I don’t have any plans. I’m not sure what kind of goal I should be making as far as what we are talking about goes. Every day I have the personal goal of practicing insight meditation for at least an hour when I wake up and an hour just before I go to sleep.


Why do you feel it important to practice insight meditation for at least two hours each day? What are you trying to accomplish by doing so?

James Eric Barnhouse:
I have no idea what kind of goals that I should make to be perfectly honest with you. Most of the time, I just take things as they come.


Is there anything you'd like to change about how you currently experience being alive? What about the stuff I've emphasized here:

James Eric Barnhouse:

I still have nothing but a calm peace even when things in my life get very chaotic and stressful, but I have noticed that even the good things about meditation seem to get in the way of my everyday life at times. I have somehow subconsciously developed a method of reaching a completely silent and empty state whenever things seem like they might become overwhelming for me to handle. This is not very convenient when it comes at times where I need to think critically and recall important information from memory. It is as if my mental process completely disappears at times, and there seems to be nothing that I can do about it, either. Everything seems to be an empty, impersonal, undirected process, and sometimes find it difficult or even impossible to establish the much needed process of will power in order to get things accomplished. I make a lot of lists of things that need to be done and remember. I go through those lists checking them off like a programmed algorithm, but sometimes I even quit doing that. At least there is usually a feeling of a wide quiet calm, happiness, and contentment, though.

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 2:21 PM as a reply to Beoman Claudiu Dragon Emu Fire Golem.
Beoman,

I feel that it is important to practice at least two hours a day, because of several reasons:

1. Before I began meditating on a regular basis, my life was much worse than it is now.
2. From experience, meditation sits for less than an hour were never very productive.
3. Scheduling regular meditation sits gets the job done.
4. Meditation before anything else happens in the day prepares me to live life with minimal stress.
5. Meditation before I sleep sorts out my thought patterns so that my sleep is just as productive as my daily life.

I definitely plan on working to get rid of the automatic-jhana thing that happens when I need to be thinking critically, but the actual ability of my brain to function better may be something completely out of my control. I take dietary supplements for memory and cognitive enhancement, but it seems to do little good. I am handling this unfortunate truth about my mental limitations much better than I used to handle them, though. I no longer have an ego issue with any of my limitations, and it does not bother me to admit them, anymore. I think that this is actually something profoundly good. Do you not agree?

As for some aspects of life being chaotic and stressful, that does not mean that I am necessarily affected by it. There is no way to make the world a stressless place. I cannot change the way life is. I can only change the way that I see it.

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 2:21 PM as a reply to Bruno Loff.
Bruno, I agree with what you say, but what is so wrong with hand holding? emoticon

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 3:32 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
Could you describe this "automatic-jhana thing" in more detail please? Which jhana do you believe you're entering?

I'm finding it difficult to understand what it is you hope to acheive here, would you mind saying a bit more about what your overall goal is, or if you even have one?

If you found out where you were on this map, what difference would it make?

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 3:55 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
James Eric Barnhouse:
I feel that it is important to practice at least two hours a day, because of several reasons:

1. Before I began meditating on a regular basis, my life was much worse than it is now.
...
3. Scheduling regular meditation sits gets the job done.
4. Meditation before anything else happens in the day prepares me to live life with minimal stress.


Compare those points with what you said earlier:

James Eric Barnhouse:
Right now, I don’t have any plans. I’m not sure what kind of goal I should be making as far as what we are talking about goes... I have no idea what kind of goals that I should make to be perfectly honest with you. Most of the time, I just take things as they come.


Would you say your goal is to make your life better? What is "the job" that has to get done? Would you say your goal is to live life with minimal stress?

James Eric Barnhouse:
I definitely plan on working to get rid of the automatic-jhana thing that happens when I need to be thinking critically, but the actual ability of my brain to function better may be something completely out of my control. I take dietary supplements for memory and cognitive enhancement, but it seems to do little good. I am handling this unfortunate truth about my mental limitations much better than I used to handle them, though.

You can try playing lumosity games. I find them fun, and they say they improve mental function.

My opinion about your mental function is that, since I think you at least have stream entry, it's actually more powerful than most people's, and that you just have to learn to control it a little better.

James Eric Barnhouse:
I no longer have an ego issue with any of my limitations, and it does not bother me to admit them, anymore. I think that this is actually something profoundly good. Do you not agree?

I believe it is good to not have an ego issue with any of your imitations, yes. From that platform of equanimity regarding yourself, you're in a good position to see what you can and can't do.

James Eric Barnhouse:

As for some aspects of life being chaotic and stressful, that does not mean that I am necessarily affected by it. There is no way to make the world a stressless place. I cannot change the way life is. I can only change the way that I see it.


Ah I wasn't sure if by "chaotic and stressful" you meant internally or externally. Note that as I understand it, it is possible to live life without any stress (or any other form of suffering) whatsoever, if you want to pursue that goal.

Would you say you're happy most of the day? Indifferent? Detached? Would you prefer to be any other way than you currently are? (e.g. happier, more detached, more involved...)

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 6:02 PM as a reply to Tommy M.
Tommy M:
Could you describe this "automatic-jhana thing" in more detail please? Which jhana do you believe you're entering?

I'm finding it difficult to understand what it is you hope to acheive here, would you mind saying a bit more about what your overall goal is, or if you even have one?

If you found out where you were on this map, what difference would it make?


It is really difficult to put into words the automatic jhana episodes that I go through seeing that they happen on their own. I regularly have a sense of peace, so it is like trying to split hairs to distinguish what is actually going on at those times. I am usually very busy using my higher, abstract mind to solve very complex mathematical operations or algorithms when it happens. I don’t know if it is that the memory loss is actually because of the jhana forming or just a malfunction of my own brain with jhana in the background. It is the highest of jhana experiences, fourth or fifth jhana, usually. It happens very quickly, and there is no way to notice any progression.

I am not purposefully trying to achieve anything here, but if something gets achieved for mine or even someone else’s benefit, then great. I suppose my goals are kept a bit general in order to allow flexibility with the overall developing benefits that may or may not be foreseen, and no, I am not stating it like that to dodge the question.

If I found out where I am on the map, then I would be able to proceed with more intended accuracy and efficiency.

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 6:32 PM as a reply to Beoman Claudiu Dragon Emu Fire Golem.
Beoman,

It is always good to make my life better for my own and everyone else’s benefit.

The job that I was referring to, in its proper context, was the goal of actually sitting and meditating every day. I have to purposefully schedule some things or else it would be too easy to forget to do them like the daily routine things that have to get done such as eating, brushing teeth, taking a bath, washing clothes, etc… Meditation is no different than those kinds of things.

Yes, I will try some luminosity games. Thank you for the link.

I am pretty sure that I have stream entry as well. I am not quite sure when exactly it actually happened, and as Tommy M pointed out, it might not even matter. I’m not quite sure whether a good understanding of what I have actually been through matters or not. I was just going on what I have seen others like Daniel say. They seem to put a big emphasis on it. Maybe it’s important. Maybe it’s not. I don't know.

I would say that I am happily content almost always. Too much happiness can actually become irritating as giddiness can become a form of manic suffering. A little bit of humor is great, but too much is too much, no matter what one is talking about. I would not say that I am indifferent. Indifference has a negative connotation to most people as well as detached. I would say that I am healthily unaffected. I am definitely not detached, because I do not see any separation with any of the other aspects of the universe. The only thing that I would change is to know more about how to be more effective and more efficient at whatever I might be doing, and I do that. There just seems to be a lot of uncertainty at times where certainty is needed.

I have no difficulty in meditation types of concentration, but I have much difficulty concentrating on dry facts and scientific analysis types of things. It takes a long time for me to study something to the point of remembering it and recalling it quickly. I want that to change. Would achieving higher paths fix those kinds of problems, or would they just remain as the frailty of the human condition?

James

RE: So where am I? Good question.
dark night
Answer
2/2/11 6:44 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
I have been wondering the same thing. About 3 months ago, I might have hit the dark night. When I started reading up on it today, a sense of relief came over me. First, because I didn't fully understand what was wrong before. Second, the realization that this stage had an end if I kept practicing. This sense of relief has lasted for hours if not most of the day by now. Was it the real deal or depression? Where am I now? And is this normal? And.. does this relief mean that its finally over?

RE: So where am I? Good question.
Answer
2/2/11 7:07 PM as a reply to James Eric Barnhouse.
The job that I was referring to, in its proper context, was the goal of actually sitting and meditating every day. I have to purposefully schedule some things or else it would be too easy to forget to do them like the daily routine things that have to get done such as eating, brushing teeth, taking a bath, washing clothes, etc… Meditation is no different than those kinds of things.

Ah, got it. I thought you were referring to something else.

I would say that I am happily content almost always. Too much happiness can actually become irritating as giddiness can become a form of manic suffering.

Hehe ya i didn't mean walking quivering with excitement, a huge smile on your face, not being able to contain yourself. Happily content was closer to it. Reading your posts they came off a bit morose, but I wasn't sure if that was the case or if I was projecting, and it seems to be the latter.

I have no difficulty in meditation types of concentration, but I have much difficulty concentrating on dry facts and scientific analysis types of things. It takes a long time for me to study something to the point of remembering it and recalling it quickly. I want that to change. Would achieving higher paths fix those kinds of problems, or would they just remain as the frailty of the human condition?


Further progress will free up your mental processes more, and probably result in less mental friction, so you'd probably be able to concentrate more on such things. For example, Daniel Ingram says somewhere in this long thread that when he is in PCE mode (an AF term for an unaltered state of consciousness - you can read about it here), he can work his high-pressure job (as a doctor of some type) much more easily, return home not nearly as tired as usual, etc. UPDATE: Ah I found the paragraph I was thinking about:

Daniel Ingram:

As I have started to get used to being at work in my very high-volume, high-intensity emergency department physician job where I have to be extremely clear and on-target in my interactions with people, my processing of extremely complex information and my ability to be with what is happening, I can now attest that doing this in PCE mode is way better than Cycle Mode, which can be problematic at times, even at the arahat level.

I have worked probably a total of 5-10 shifts worth of work now in PCE mode and so have a pretty solid basis for comparison, and there is simply no argument at this point for Cycle Mode at all in that very high-stakes and demanding situation from my current point of view. It did take a little while to get used to the fact that the cues to do things are different and the thing functions differently (an example being that in Cycle Mode I might remember to order a chest x-ray after putting in a central line because there was this weird nagging ache in my stomach that I would look at and try to figure out and then would emerge the realization that I forgot to do that as compared to just the body remembering and doing that, which is so much more clean and less fatigue-producing and more pleasant all around), but the adjustment has been relatively easy in comparison to all sorts of other things I have had to adjust to, such as functioning in the Dark Night.


James Eric Barnhouse:
It is always good to make my life better for my own and everyone else’s benefit.


It sounds like you're doing just fine. I would recommend looking into Actualism/Actual Freedom. See if you can't remember any PCEs (the theory is that everyone has had them at some point, most likely during childhood) or cultivate any, to see if there isn't something worth exploring there, for you. You can read some descriptions of PCEs. The method one would apply to get there is detailed in this article (also linked by Bruno above). I've been at it for about 3 weeks and there has been a marked change in my level of happiness (not the giddy over-excited kind =P) and enjoyment of life, and more and more I appreciate just how wonderful it is to be alive.