| | This is a little bit of a tale, but my experiences have been a little unclear as I reached them without formal practice.
When I was in my first year of university, in the summertime, I was basically by myself, I had lots of time to reflect, but towards the end of the summer, I had an experience that was quite out of the ordinary. At the time I knew little of Buddha's teachings besides the limited pop-culture view. In September I was laying in my bed, reflecting, for a while I got deeper and deeper, I don't remember the exact sequence, but I had a mental image of a bright universe after a while, my conciousness filled it, I felt I was in a library of sorts, multi-tiered, I could go to any section, I realized things that were profound, yet so simple, like what I would term Karma, how energy flowed, I basically felt saw the true nature of a lot of things, I saw how we are all energy, not this or that specifically and how that energy migrates over the universe. I realize now I was meditating deeply, the profound nature of these things I experienced stuck with me.
Fast forward to year two of college. I became, what I enjoy doing even today, a musician, by a chance meeting with a highschool friend in a music store on campus. The afterglow of the event still was fresh, I walk around with my head held high, things really never got under my skin. I continued to muddle along, as I have been more introverted, at least at that time, I continued to reflect on my "experience", not meditating, explicitly, just reflecting. I started working at the same time, did well in school.
Over the next year I cultivated what I termed at the time as my "state of mind", which was a laid back way of approaching problems; i..e don't let them get to me. Overtime I continued to reflect on things, I was basically incorporating these changes into my life. At that point I heard about the teaching of Buddha, by a chance Sunday morning television spot, I was intrigued. The more I thought about the deeper it effected, no longer did I view the world in such a happy-go-lucky way, the 4 noble truth lodged themselves in my head, I started seeing them around.
I continued to go about my way, but overtime I noticed darker things about reality that shattered my tranquil state, a little after this kicked in my life became hectic, i.e. I was working almost full time, in school and working with a musical group, things became more overwhelming and at the same time, I was noticing these darker sides of things, things to do with suffering, impermanence, it was very much a Dark Night, but it manifested itself in a fury, my everyday life had a shadow, I looked around and felt deeply negative, I didn't know what was going on, I knew it was very existential in nature. The nature of things in my mind, which was much more focused, typically, had become scattered, focusing on things had become almost impossible, I felt I was an empty shell, things lacked permanence, little had meaning, the world seemed to be covered with a truths that few acknowledged.
Overtime however, I start to re-orient myself and the fog became clear, I simply looked around, reflected and observed things, then one day, as far as my memory goes, the fog lifted, I was left with a sense of equanimity and peace that I have not realized. I remember issuing a challenge to do the very best I could at everything I did, I experienced a time where even the darkest things of this reality, impermanence and suffering became sources of motivation, I saw how advantageous it was to live in the here and now and did so as well as I could.
This state of mind was manifest every waking moment of the day, I was completely laid back about things, let everything go that I could, was highly reflective. This led me to a time where I experience something more profound that anything I ever did. My friends and I were in a park, walking around and I felt all of reality alive, bright, rapture and bliss were deep and unrelenting, I was completely in the moment, over the coming day it faded as I fatigued, but it stayed alive, Friends described me as "sedate", chilled etc, in general, as the bliss and rapture faded, equanimity continued.
Since then, I decided to go into a graduate program, which I finished and focused on a career (which was delay by 2 years due to lack of opportunity in my field). I made the vow to get my career up and running, which I did, with much success, by focusing on those things. My new focus was a new attachment I now realize and that derailed me from my path, years later, I lost a lot of what I was feeling due to my lack of balance, but 2 months ago I discovered Daniel's work and started formally practicing, with great result. I have found my life is/was riddled with attachment to silly things that compounded in my head, I am getting good result.
I am looking for more insight to what I experienced before.
Thanks
EDIT: I forgot to add before my termed "Dark Night", which may or may not be the right term, I had a lucid dream, the most lucid I had ever had. I was on a school bus, and went lucid, I decided to get off the bus, I was in a desert, walked off the road and realized I was fully lucid, so I started jumping until I jumped so high the earth was a dot and I woke up. |