Daniel M. Ingram:
Well, as you well know, promises of timing are really tricky things to give with confidence.
I had the same feeling about 25-30 times over about 5 years, cycle after cycle of, "Oh, yeah!" followed sometime later by, "Oh, sh@&!". WTF?!
It is common and happens, but each time around the cycle teaches you something, but part of the key is looking for something about whatever happens that is just about that thing and not about anything cyclic, not that cycles don't occur, but that each moment is just and only that moment, in some panoramic, all through the center, everything as it-is-ness.
Oh, yeah, what happened to your AF thoughts?
Daniel
Thanks, I'll take that on board and keep looking - hoping it doesn't take a full 5 years to finish this thing, I'm already 2 years 4 months in if I count from when I first mistook myself as being done
Actualism is the only thing I've been practicing for the past year and a bit. I've learnt to induce a PCE at will, but for some silly reason I don't do it often enough. Having a 9 month old daughter means I don't have the same amount of spare time I used to have, outside work; weeknights and all weekend are frequently consumed by family life. While that's been detrimental to my practice, I've learnt about the veil of nuture vs naive intimacy with another person.
AF is definitely my end goal, but having discovered that arahatship was left undone, I'd like to wrap that up before moving on.
The most recent week long shift suggested that fundamental suffering will be so significantly reduced if I can land 4th path fully that I'd be mad to ignore it. Funnily enough, during the week I was unable to get into a PCE - hard to describe but the nearest analogy I can think of would be having to learn to walk again. At the same time, perception was virtually as clear as a PCE so I found myself wondering repeatedly if I had actually attained AF - but the subtle sense of being in the background and the occasional bubbling up of emotions past the embryonic stage convinced me I wasn't AF.
One interesting thing about it was that I finally understood why so many 4th pathers seem bemused by actual freedom, and aren't sure what the fuss is all about. I felt like I'd be happy spending several more years NOT getting to actual freedom, because I was already enjoying such an effortless mode of being and I hadn't sacrificed anything to attain it (eg creativity).
So I guess I want to hang out in 4th path territory for a bit because it was so awesome.

Not that I think it beats the PCE or the promise of AF - but it seems like a more realistic immediate goal to reduce my suffering.
Craig